Our time at Ulusaba went quickly. Our last game drive took us right up to when we needed to catch the first of our flights home. We just barely had a chance to finish packing before heading to the airstrip. We did not have time to take showers. Getting wet on our drive that morning didn’t count because it made us more stinky, which is opposite what an ideal shower should do. After about 10 hours in the Johannesburg airport and an 11.5-hour redeye flight back to Amsterdam, we reeked in multiple ways. If our morning breath didn’t get you, our safari funk would. It’s pretty sad when you think, Geeze, something smells foul in here, and then you realize that foul something is you.
We were really worn out and ready to be home, lengthy showers didn’t change that, but we couldn’t waste a beautiful day in Amsterdam. Even Jason’s earth-shattering sneezes from the cold he picked up in Africa didn’t keep us from visiting the Oude Kerk and the National Maritime Museum.
The Oude Kerk, Amsterdam’s oldest building, is an unusual church. Not only is it oddly placed in the middle of the city’s prostitution district, but it’s uncanny down to its bowels. When we visited, its wooden vaults were filled with a melodious cacophony. Ravens, melancholic rhythms, bomber strikes, kitchen clinks, and forlorn voices combined and lapped us in wave after wave of eerie composition. This din was provided by the Instrument of Troubled Dreams, a bizarre art instillation featuring a mellotron that guests could play. We lightheartedly created our own unsettling musical fantasies with this apparatus. That wasn’t the end of the unexpected eccentricity we encountered at this historical church though.
The carvings under the folded seats in the Oude Kerk, known as misericords, feature representations of Dutch proverbs. One would expect bland depictions in an 800-year-old church, but some medieval craftsmen must have had a rather crude sense of humor. Instead of revered characters and noble deeds, think excrement. I jest not.
After visiting the Oude Kerk, we walked to the National Maritime Museum. We only had about an hour and a half to explore it before closing. We spent the majority of that time discovering the replica of the VOC Amsterdam and examining the Royal Barge.
Perhaps Amsterdam was a fitting finish to our African journey. Its crest does feature two golden lions, amongst other things, and this trip was the shiniest gold lion we’ve ever received.
For days after our return, I dreamed of Africa every night as my brain tried in vain to process the marvels we had witnessed. My memories of that wondrously untamed place remain vibrant yet otherworldly. Every once in a while, I have to remind myself that they are real.