Zoinks! Like, wow! FanX is practically more mouthwatering than an onion and bologna sandwich!

Although regular attendees, in fall of 2023, Jason and I couldn’t go to all three days of Utah’s nerdiest con. However, over just Thursday and Friday we covered all the basics. We caught up with family members, learned about NASA quests, celebrated some Saturday cartoon classics, and wandered aimlessly through the exhibit hall for hours. Obviously, we also consumed delicious food because you can’t investigate pop culture on an empty stomach.

One of my favorite parts of Thursday was the Explore with NASA room. There, we talked with experts about Artemis, Perseverance Rover, and the retrieval of space junk. I asked “Why?” and “What?” more than Arthur Dent as NASA’s scientists managed to bring some sense to this untidy galaxy.

Like, you wouldn’t want to leave your stomach emptier than a piggy bank the day after Christmas, would you? That’s why another preferred piece of our Thursday was pizza with company. That company came in the form of a niece, her boyfriend, and boyfriend’s brother. Eating dinner with fellow enthusiasts after a long day at FanX to discuss everyone’s most exciting pop encounters is a tradition. Settebello didn’t have sauerkraut and sardine pies, but we did alright with jalapeno and pear. Our niece seemed thrilled to talk fandoms with us… and of course have us pay for her meal.

We had a lot to talk about because that first day we had also gotten autographs from Ken Page (Oogie Boogie), Jim Cummings (Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Darkwing Duck) William Zabka, Gates McFadden, and Ralph Macchio. All were very gracious.

On day two, we donned our Scooby-Doo and Shaggy costumes, our first time wearing them at a con, in honor of FanX guest Matthew Lillard. Lillard has been the iconic voice of Shaggy in multiple live action and animated Scooby-Doo films. Dressed as these cherished characters, we also got a photo with Alex Kingston, Arthur Darvill, and Karen Gillan. Yup, it was basically a Pond family photo crashed by the hungrier side of Mystery Inc.

As we navigated the con, all the Doo crew devotees who recognized us were rewarded with a bag of Scooby Snacks because, like, the grooviest thing you can do for a fellow creature is stock their belly.

In addition to fixing fellow attendees’ munchies, we solved the mystery of what can be done with the time equivalent of a full night’s rest that isn’t restful. The exhibit hall is a con highlight and massive time vortex. Jason and I wandered it from noon to eight, eight hours, on our second day. There, a nephew and I got matching “I am Kenough” temporary tattoos, and Jason and I got less temporary fan merch.

While we might have been a little heavy on snacks and exhibit hall, we were a little light on panels. The Christopher Lloyd panel and 20 Years of Pirates of the Caribbean: The Good, the Bad, and the Haunted were the only ones we attended. The Christopher Lloyd panel lasted just 20 minutes. There, we learned that FanX would be his final appearance at a con. He had a lot to say about climate change and his fears regarding it.

That sums up our 2023 FanX. Like, it was kind of like eating a heaping plate of anchovy and banana lembas bread- a pungent yet satisfying blend of the sugary, savory, and nerdy.

In 2020, FanX Salt Lake (formerly Salt Lake Comic Con) got cancelled because cramming thousands of people into an indoor space was frowned upon during COVID’s most spreadable spell. However, last fall the con happened, and of course we had tickets. How did it feel to place my body in crowded hallways and exhibit halls after 18 months of staying at least six feet away from the one-person crowds at the grocery store? How did others feel about having their bodies packed into hallways and exhibit halls? Read on and all herd attitudes will be revealed.

Although masks were required at FanX Salt Lake, which was at least as protective as a fortify spell, being in those throngs of people made me uncomfortable and anxious. Was this because of the ongoing threat COVID’s Delta variant posed? (Omicron was just a twinkle in its hosts’ RNA at that point.) Was my apprehension due to the lingering misgivings associated with avoiding people for a year and a half? Or had the crowd calluses I’d built up for years to protect myself from the claustrophobia and irritation kindled by swarms simply softened over COVID’s isolation?

How about the masses? Were they willing to put past precautions aside? According to FanX organizers, ticket sales for the 2021 event were within 5% of those from non-pandemic years. (That’s a real term now?) There seemed to be less attendees than normal, but there were thousands more than I’d seen over the last 500 days, so I felt like I was roaming the corridors of Gideon. We were surprised how filled the exhibit hall was, not much different from a typical Friday afternoon at this convention. Yet, the Grand Ballroom was much emptier than usual. Were attendees reluctant to sit close to others, or were the panels just less interesting to most?

We didn’t stay at FanX for an extended time as we were worried exposure to hundreds of people might ruin an upcoming trip to Hawaii, but we were around long enough to get a picture with William Zabka, do a little shopping, and attend the Cobra Kai panel from an empty corner of the ballroom.

This was our shortest FanX experience of all time, but I’d like to think it helped me acclimate back to normality. And yes, hairying up my feet, stringing the One Ring around my neck, gluing on hobbit ears, and adventuring around a massive conglomeration of booths and people all fit under my banner of normality.

Ready to have a heart attack? Jason and I attended FanX in Salt Lake City this fall. Anyone need a defibrillator? Maybe a hypospray of vasopressors for the shock? No? Was FanX nerdy? Yes. Was it nutty? Yes. Here’s how it fanned out.

The two of us got pictures with Megan Follows, Pearl Mackie, Matthew Lewis, and lost boys Kiefer Sutherland and Jason Patric. From the likes of Hayden Christensen, Ian McDiarmid, Jason Isaacs, and Charles Martinet we acquired autographs. We attended panels featuring the rowdy characters of Evermore and approachable stars like Pearl Mackie and Matthew Lewis. We found the celebrities we interacted with this time to be real human beings, even the ones who regularly portray aliens.

We embraced cosplay on two of the con’s days. On one of those we dressed as Strawberry Shortcake and the Peculiar Purple Pieman of Porcupine Peak. Those that recognized us, and there were more than we anticipated, were treated to one of the Peculiar Purple Pieman’s pastries… well, Hostess’ really, but that shady pieman was happy to take crust credit.

We met up with friends who were also attending at J. Wong’s Thai and Chinese Bistro. Eating drunken noodles and discussing which comic artists billow capes correctly all while donning an Auror’s wand and wig- that’s the stuff the finest temporal causality loops are made of.

Tickets for next fall’s FanX just went on sale. It’s sure to tickle your ear lobes. You may find us there along with over 100,000 other caped crusaders and masked troopers.