“Like Scoob, Halloween should be more about candy and less about scary monsters.”

King Solomon himself could not have uttered truer insight regarding last October’s entanglements. However, with a little resourcefulness, Jason and I held the microbe monsters at a distance while keeping the holiday fun close at hand and the sugar ubiquitous.

Jason and I debated the best way to approach trick-or-treating with 2020’s difficulties. On one hand, we didn’t want to be responsible for the proliferation of a potentially serious disease. On the other hand, we did want to be responsible for the proliferation of Halloween amusement. Turning off the porch lights and throwing in the treat towel was considered, but ultimately, we decided to let eerie merriments proceed with precautions.

Our slick solution? Jason constructed a six-foot candy slide, which we decorated together. On Halloween evening, we hung out on our porch wearing costumes, masks, and gloves ready to serve all the small scroungers. In keeping with our Scooby-Doo theme, we handed out retro candy from the 70s like Pop Rocks, Whatchamacallits, Ring Pops, and Laffy Taffy. (“Handed” doesn’t imply our uncovered hands were involved. Geeze! What do you think this was, 2019?)

How did our slippery plan go? It turns out, kids prefer the slide method to non-slide routes of candy acquisition. Who knew? And although we were outside for hours, I stayed cozy in my Scooby skin. Treat dispersal success!

As an interesting social observation, the carefulness of the trick-or-treaters we encountered varied considerably from unmasked hordes to distantly concealed recluses. Some kids clearly were being driven around by cautious parents and were only allowed to go to houses deemed “safe.” We were happy to be amongst these.

Jason and I didn’t just celebrate the holiday by chuting treats. We also made a Halloween feast for ourselves of breadstick bones and ghostly chowder. Gobbling crunchy body parts and flavorsome spirits is one of our warped seasonal traditions.

Despite COVID’s attempts to quell Halloween’s diversions, sliding out some old-fashioned sweetness still made the freaks emerge, and 2020’s scourge didn’t stop us from shooting a mass of bones and savory apparitions into our bellies.