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Devious Exploits

I love surprises and I am a master plotter. I can keep secrets and cover elaborate schemes like you wouldn’t believe. Though I rarely use this talent for evil, I do often utilize it to deploy the unexpected on my husband.

Jason is keen on all things Halloween and horror movies bring joy to his twisted heart so every October I like to supply him with a fresh selection of scary movies that are tame enough for me to watch. But just giving these films to him in a normal fashion would be rather boring and unnatural for me. After all, Rachel is my name and plotting is my game. Therefore, this year, as always, I conjured up a plan to deliver Jason’s Halloween stash to him in an unforeseen manner.

I decided to make up a basket filled with some horror flicks and movie munchies and give it to him on the very first day of October. I wanted to make sure though that he was thoroughly surprised, not just averagely surprised, by its appearance so I got up in the middle of the night and left the basket for him to find first thing in the morning directly outside our bedroom door. No alarm was needed to awaken me from my peaceful slumber in order to set out the basket; I wake up at some point most nights so I figured randomly getting up wouldn’t be a problem. I was correct. I’m glad my annoying restlessness actually came in handy for once.

The tub
The tub-o-horror came with its own instructions: "Watch it!" Get it? You watch movies and you need to watch where you are stepping when baskets unpredictably pop up in your hallway. Don't get it? Your name must not be Rachel. And yes, I even took a picture of my creation without Jason noticing.

Since Jason typically wakes up for work a bit before I do he was quite shocked, as he was stumbling to the bathroom, to find a container full or horror goodness waiting for him when I was still in bed sound asleep. Yes! Rachel plot accomplished!

The best part of this conspiracy is that I prepared and arranged that basket the night before right under Jason’s nose. I didn’t want to even hint that something was afoot by closing the door to my craft room while I was loading up his goodies, which is what I typically do to hide my deeds when I’m wrapping gifts for him or involved in some similar mischief. Yes, since I needed Jason to suspect nothing I left the door wide-open to completely dispel suspicion and listened attentively for any approaching footsteps hoping that I could quickly stuff everything in the closet if needs be. Thanks to my sneakiness Jason remained completely oblivious to my devious undertaking and while he dallied on the computer across the hall and cleaned in the kitchen I subtly got his cute basket all ready for its nocturnal drop-off. He didn’t catch me and had no idea I was even up to something. Yes! Who’s the master? Oh the cleverness of me.

Rachel October 6, 2010 No Comments

Paper Faces on Parade

Masquerade!

Paper faces on parade…

Masquerade!

Hide your face, so the world will never find you.

If I just succeeded in getting that Phantom of the Opera song in your head then you are exactly the type of person that should have attended the Lords and Ladies Masquerade Ball. I am not ashamed to admit that I will now be humming that tune all day and that I love the mystery and intrigue of a masquerade. Maybe I’ve been conditioned by all those fairytales I read as a child or the chick flicks I’ve cried and giggled through as an adult or maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic but, whatever the reason, getting all dolled and costumed up to go to an extravagant ball is right down the Rachel alley.

Our group looked mui fantastico!
Our group looked muy fantastico!

Last year we attended the inaugural Lords and Ladies Ball. This event was conceived by the charity In Our Own Quiet Way as a fundraiser. We had a great time at the party even though the two of us were surrounded by total strangers but this year we were determined that we were going to go to this ball unsolitarily. So we asked around and found two couples interesting enough to be interested in attending with us: my brother Drew and his wife, and Drew’s friends Adam and Abigail.

It
It's probably best if you don't ask.
Drew and Adam played the part of snooty aristocrasts well. It se
Drew and Adam played the part of snooty aristocrats well. It seemed to come quite natural to them.

Jas and I have a very large reservoir of costumes so the decision of what to wear to the ball could have been a difficult one but Jason was very keen on sporting the pirate costumes I made about 5 Halloweens ago so, being the perfectly amiable wife that I am, I agreed. (No snickering!)

Our knight in rusty armor?
Our knight in rusty armor?

My costume didn’t exactly blend in with the rest of the ladies at the ball. Most of the girls were dressed in the puffiest girliest costumes they could find and then there was me…a pirate wench ready to make any scurvy blaggard walk the plank at the slightest provocation. But my lack of petticoats and hoopskirts did not hinder my enjoyment of this magical evening.

What fine specimens of manliness. Wait, do I see tights?
What fine specimens of manliness. Wait, do I see tights?
Searching for buried treasure or Prince Charming?
Searching for buried treasure or Prince Charming? Crawling through a hidden tunnel is fun even if you're not looking for anything but the other side.

This year, instead of holding a formal dinner, food was served at several stations with different city themes. You could wander and snack at your leisure. Each “city” provided more than just things to chomp; they each had their own entertainment and décor as well.  We visited Barcelona, Venice, and Damascus and enjoyed the ambiance of romantic accordion serenades, exotic belly dancing, and limber acrobatics. I liked this informal setup. It was nice just to relax and explore the estate with our group of friends.

Even the statues wore masks.
Even the statues wore masks.They were "required" after all.

The one hang-up of the evening was Drew’s tardiness. Drew and Simone were unfashionably late. Being the enormously nice and courteous people that we are, we refrained from eating as we wandered and waited for their arrival. We should have been selfish and started stuffing our faces the second we got there because by the time Drew arrived, much later than he estimated, the food was already dwindling and the other activities of the night were soon to begin. We did get a taste of Venice and Damascus before we were ushered onto the dance floor but, sadly, we didn’t get a chance to savor the flavor of Barcelona. Sigh. Little brothers are the worst! Just kidding-there are probably a few things in this world more problematic.

Girls rock!
Girls rock! Girls wearing frilly skirts rock awesome!
Girls on trampolines! Need I say more?
Girls on tramps! Need I say more?

Even though we didn’t get to consume as much as we desired, we did get ample opportunity to dance, promenade, and hangout in tepees. It was a lovely warm night with a drooping full moon providing the backdrop to a landscape glowing with clusters of twinkle lights. The company was good, the festivities were jovial, and the cause was worthy.

These stilted men added to the fantastical feeling of the night.
These stilted men added nicely to the fantastical feeling of the night.

I hope more of you that find the charm and anonymity of a masquerade fascinating will be inclined to join us next year. I know you are out there and I know right now you have lines from that song rumbling around in your brain along with all your storybook fantasies. So why not don a costume and spend an enchanted evening with the coolest people you know?

Rachel September 30, 2010 No Comments

The Gait Keepers

My racing team from last summer got together to run the Utah Marathon Relay again this year. The Utah Marathon Relay takes place in South Jordan every September and, as the name suggests, it’s the length of a marathon, 26.2 miles. Fortunately, the course is split into 5 loops so each team member only has to run 5.2 miles, which makes the race completely doable even for the non-nutsy. Although our team hit some unexpected snags this year, we still managed to beat our previous time. Yeah us!

That look on Jeremy
That look on Jeremy's face is the look of a man that knows he may lose bowel control at any moment.

Jason, Fran, and I were all very prepared for this race since we had run a half marathon just a month before. Nothing makes five miles look like a walk in the park like running thirteen. Jason’s brother Jeremy seemed reasonably ready for the event as well, though he didn’t train as much for it as last year. I think running five miles didn’t scare him this year since he knew he could do it so the fear of being the humiliated downfall of our team didn’t inspire him as it had previously. My brother Drew, after he barely survived last year’s race, intended on thoroughly training for his run this year but somehow those good intentions never resulted in actual exercise. The race got closer yet his plans to prepare remained in the indefinite future so he only got in a few pathetic runs before the relay.

The first runners waited valiantly in the cold for the race to start.
The first runners waited valiantly in the cold for the race to start. I'm there somewhere in their midst freezing my tukus off.
Drew looks surpsingly peppy here as he pases the 4 mile mark.
Drew looks surprisingly peppy here as he passes the 4 mile mark.

But, ready or not, our race day came and that’s when things got a little messy. The day before the relay I was showing signs of catching a cold: headache, sore throat, stuffiness…the usual. Although a cold wouldn’t stop me from racing I was concerned that it would hinder me from doing my best. Then Jeremy came down with something in the wee hours of the morning on the day of the race that, unlike my cold, was a showstopper. He got a bout of food poisoning and warmed up for the relay by running to the toilet over and over again during the night. While he still showed up bright and early at the starting point ready to run there was no telling if the large quantities of Pepto-Bismol he had downed would be enough to keep all his fluids in their proper places inside of him. We had him do a little trial run across the parking lot to see how his stomach held up and that didn’t go over well so Jason and I collectively decided that he needed to abort. Running and the runs may sound like things that go together but they really aren’t. With Jeremy off to be buddies with his bathroom we had to hurry and find another runner. Luckily, we know an abnormal number of active people so Fran was able to find a friend willing to be a last minute addition to our team.

I came zipping through the finish line at 50 minutes and 35 seconds
I came zipping through the finish line at 50 minutes and 35 seconds. I'm pretty proud of that; my short legs had to work hard for it.

So after all that how did we do? Being a little under the weather had no ill-effects on my performance; in fact the opposite surprisingly seemed to be true. I shaved about a minute and half off my time from last year and crossed the finish line in just over 50 minutes. This trend continued for my teammates who all bettered their runs from last year, even Drew was about a minute faster than the year before. (I’m sure not getting lost helped.) Jason’s time was the most impressive though. He was almost five minutes quicker this year than the preceding at 41:38. Way to go Jas!

Team Name
Team name? The Gait Keepers. Average Team Speed? 9:15/mile.
With about an 8 minute
With about an 8 minute/mile average, Jas was flying! This picture makes it look like I might mean that literally.

All our slightly quicker paces paid off. We finished at 4 hours and 2 minutes, which was 11 minutes faster than our previous time of 4 hours and 13 minutes. This put us in 82nd place out of 124 teams. Not too shabby considering Andrew was in our group. LOL. Just kidding Drew…mostly.

Here
Here's my dramatic handoff to Fran. Cue the Chariots of Fire music.

Good job everyone! May we rock even more awesome next year!

Rachel September 22, 2010 No Comments
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