If you are looking for a tale of seasonal excitement, this isn’t it. If, instead, you are interested in a bland summary of a Christmas come slowly, read on.

Due to the pressures of my last master’s semester and the intenseness of Jason’s work schedule, Christmas was in no hurry to embrace us with its spirit or sparkle this year. We didn’t finish putting the ornaments on our tree or hanging the stockings by our chimney with slight care until just a few days before Christmas. Presents didn’t begin accumulating under our ever-plastic Tannenbaum until even later. This isn’t standard Rachel M.O. Rachel M.O. involves planning precisely, one could say anally, well in advance. Some aspects of our holiday, however, fit our norm all too well.

It’s a Rachel habit to enter a neurotic cleaning mode right before Christmas, but that didn’t happen this year. While the neurotic nature of our traditional Christmas Eve was maintained, it wasn’t spurred by housework. We stayed up to 4 AM working on gift projects and wrapping presents.

Also true to tradition, we didn’t start opening our presents to each other until almost midnight on Christmas evening. Even our stockings didn’t get perused until late in the day. This was mostly due to the demands of those same gift projects. Somehow, we did fit in a little time for some fancy cooking though, a favorite holiday pastime of mine, but not as much as my stomach would have liked.

This year, Christmas arrived like a sneaky ninja, a sneaky ninja with a bullwhip. Once it crept in, it kept us too overworked to unwind. Yes, it is possible that I am incapable of relaxing, holiday whip-bearing ninjas or not, but there’s no point pondering that enigma as it will never be resolved.

Jason and I have been throwing a Christmas party every December for nearly two decades. While we keep this event small because our sanity is only marginal after our Halloween bash, that doesn’t mean it is a calm and dignified affair. This year, it proceeded in a “regular” fashion, meaning all kinds of rowdy. Allow me to share a few of the highlights:

Our meal consisted of barbecued meats and sides from R&R (my favorite place to get brisket), a massive salad from Café Zupas, and a selection of sweets from Corner Bakery Café.

I again took humorous, and purposefully cheesy, holiday pictures of all attendees that wanted them. This time, however, I limited the shooting to just half an hour, so I could still dance and prance with the rest of the ungainly reindeer. You’d be amazed how many horrible pictures you can take in 30 minutes.

Rowley removed his tawdry reindeer onesie to reveal another kind of hoofed monstrosity, a reindeer mankini. (Thankfully, that wasn’t quite all he was wearing.) You will just have to imagine, or try not to imagine, this outfit. I didn’t want to be responsible for any PTSD, so pictures of this particular ensemble have been omitted here.

The white elephant gifts ranged from hugely-sized Rice Krispies treats to fat “dad” bags. White elephants sure are unpredictable creatures.

Half the partiers stayed until the bitter end playing Codenames. So, we had plenty of help carting crap out to our car in a hurriedly fashion a few minutes before midnight.

As anticipated, our Christmas gathering was a rather irreverent but relaxed affair. Between ugly sweaters, even uglier moustaches, and truly hideous mankinis, its foulness lightheartedly touched the holidays just right. Thanks friends for joining us yet again for this comical Christmas tradition.