Jason and I have been hearing wonderful things about Banff National Park in Canada the last few years. (Yes, Canada also has the whole national park thing going on.) So, we decided an investigation of the Canadian Rockies was overdue. Were the remarkable rumors all true? The beauty of Banff was unbelievable and so were the crowds. The cold was bitterer than an endive after a breakup; we didn’t expect to be snowed on repeatedly in mid-September. Yes, Banff exceeded our expectations in many ways.

Canada may be another country but flying there is quick. When our plane arrived in Calgary, it was 41 degrees out. That was about 40 degrees colder than the weather we left back home, a foreshadowing of the unanticipated chilling yet to come.

It was dark when we reached Banff, but the next morning we awoke to a view like no other? Nope, we could have been in Kansas for all we could tell; the circling peaks were concealed by closely-gathered clouds. Stratus obstructions aside, we still ventured out on two hikes. Our first was a brief one to Bow Falls. Bow Falls, located on the Bow River, is short and fat, not your typical chute of a cascade. It was cool and cold.

On our second hike of the day, we summited Tunnel Mountain. The climb to the top of Tunnel Mountain is a local favorite because it’s only three miles long and offers views, views, views. We saw clouds, clouds, clouds… and some fog. Oh, and we got rained and snowed on. Yes, we missed much of Tunnel Mountain’s best assets, but we now have this exciting story about how we saw nearly nothing on Tunnel Mountain. Don’t be jelly! I wore a long-sleeved shirt and four jackets on our hiking outings. Yet, I was still freezing when we were done. I couldn’t get warm, even after a shower so hot it would have made Old Faithful feel inadequate.

When we woke up the following morning, there was snow on the ground and peaks all around us that had been obscured the day before. We had been surrounded obliviously, but I don’t mind mountain stalkers so much. The clearing of the clouds didn’t mean temperatures were any warmer though. They remained in the 30s as we set out early for famous Lake Louise.

Louise is the kind of lake that looks pristine and untouched but in reality, sees more action than Chuck Norris on the range. Visitors flock to her turquoise shores like glacier-fed lochs are going out of style. (Oh wait, thanks to our warming planet I guess they are.) We woke up early in order to get to Lake Louise before the parking lot filled up, which typically happens around 9:00 AM. We didn’t make it by 9:00, but we parked by 9:30. Thanks to the disagreeable weather, the parking lot didn’t completely fill until nearly 10:00. Lake Louise was still crowded though. We walked around on the Lakeshore Trail, accompanied by dozens of moseying tourists. Following that stroll, we went inside the Chateau Lake Louise for lunch and warmth; I was already freezing. I left the Chateau with another jacket (purchased not “borrowed”), making five coats my total.

After lunch, we felt like a little afternoon tea. Lake Agnes, a five-mile-roundtrip hike from Lake Louise, shelters a historic and functioning teahouse on its inhospitable shore. Yes, you can trek into the wilderness and then nibble tea and biscuits while enjoying the grandeur of a subalpine lagoon. Don’t expect electricity to come with your soup though. The trail to Lake Agnes was busy and largely covered in snow and ice. Let’s see how good you are at irrational algebra. Tourists not used to hiking + steep snow-covered slopes =? You guessed it; we passed many floundering “hikers” wearing inappropriate footwear like dress boots and traction-less tennis shoes. There was a whole lot of slipping going on.

And that fifth coat I purchased? I never took it off. Despite the uphill climb, I only unzipped a few of my jackets for about 15 minutes in total. However, the surreal experience of being served biscuits and room-temperature lemonade in a lofty piece of the planet made my chilled innards acceptable.

Although the trails were slick, we decided to keep heading up from Lake Agnes to Little Beehive, a mile jaunt each way. This turned out to be our favorite part of the day. The views were incredible, Lake Louise was visible, and the crowds were invisible. Coming down wasn’t as dicey as we feared it would be. Jason struggled a bit but nothing compared to the thrashing tourists we passed in their equestrian boots.

Before heading back to Banff, we detoured to Moraine Lake. Moraine Lake, nestled in the Valley of the Ten Peaks, was even lovelier than Lake Louise, and the crowds knew it. Even though darkness was approaching, tourists clung to boulders in all directions snapping their mandatory pictures. We took the Rockpile Trail to appreciate the view that used to be on the Canadian $20 bill.

Next week, you will find out just what we did on our final days in Banff. Oh, the thrill of exploring the Canadian Rockies vicariously through my long-winded mediocre writing!