Runners these days seem to long for not just a bit of pavement but a bit of an adventure as well. More and more races keep cropping up with carefully designed obstructions incorporated into their courses to create extra challenging and atypical events. These obstacles may come in the form of giant tubes that have to be hurdled, muddy pits that must be waded through, or any other awkward and messy hindrance conceivable. This extreme racing trend definitely has its appeal. Who wouldn’t want to climb a wiggling wall made of poles too bulky and slick to really hold on to?

Last week Jason and I, along with our friend Jeremy, ran in a 5K race, which was outfitted with impediments, called Lick the Pole.

It was Jeremy’s first race ever. Apparently, he was so excited about it that he somehow didn’t notice he was wearing his wife’s sweatpants instead of his own. They looked distinctly feminine and were about 6 inches too short for him. I guess at least he remembered to wear pants.

This race was supposed to trek over thick crunchy snow but Jack Frost ruined all that with his delinquency. We haven’t gotten much precipitation as of late, which is unusual for this time of year, so we weren’t sprinting across deep powder as planned. Instead, we just had a couple inches of flakes to make our progression slippery.

But at least Jack’s tame mood meant comfortable temperatures for us on race day. It was very pleasant in the hills of Soldier Hollow. We had a blast crawling under squat nets, jumping over frozen pipes, and pumping our way through rows of tires. I only wish there had been about double the number of obstacles and a foot or two more of snow. Then everything would have been perfect.

If you have been experiencing feelings of ancientness, lethargicness, boringness, disheartenedness, glumness, or bloatedness might I suggest a simple cure: a little adventure. Jason and I still feel like younglings. We are always involved in crazy activities that keep monotony from sneaking up on us. You too can overcome the cogs of your routine. Why not add a little excitement to your life? Why not add a little run? If you don’t think running a race sounds too thrilling that’s because you’ve never tried to lick it!

Another zombie fest = further justified disgustingness. Yes, for the third time in as many months Jason and I again painted ourselves gray, putrefied our skin with latex, and smeared fake blood all over our mugs. I guess you can take the Sabins out of the filth but you can’t take the filth out of the Sabins.

We participated in Night of the Running Dead, a 5K race to benefit the Huntsman Cancer Institute, with 5 of our buddies about a week ago. Racers could run as a zombie or a meal-I mean a human. The humans got a 2 minute head start after which the undead were set loose on them.

Jason and I decided to join the zombie group, as did our sister-in-law Simone. Our choice of allegiance shouldn’t surprise you; we are pretty rotten. The rest of our friends decided they’d rather run for their lives than after their food. Serve yourselves.

The concept behind this race was dreadfully enticing. Who doesn’t dream of being chased down by reanimated corpses or salivate at the thought of some fresh meat? The setting was pretty ideal too. The Utah State Fairgrounds provided that abandoned city feel you’d expect from a ghoul-infested post-apocalyptic municipality. But, while this event had the makings of grisly greatness, its perfection was marred by two pesky problems.

First, the run started at 3:00 in the afternoon on what turned out to be an uncharacteristically warm day for October. We were feeling every one of those nearly 80 degrees as we tromped along. Thanks to the heat my zombie makeup practically did transform me into the undead. Not only did that thick stuff block my sweat and accelerate my overheating but it also gave me the sensation that I was falling apart which, due to my disintegrating latex, I actually was. It’s a tad alarming to wipe your perspiring forehead and find blood on your fingers even if you know that blood originated from a bottle you dumped thoroughly all over your face.

My second issue with this race was that it was a little too authentically chaotic. It involved three laps around the fairgrounds but the designated route changed on each loop and there were no directing signs, which meant that everyone was literally running around in circles with no idea where they were supposed to be going. That old trick of just following the runners in front of you was no help; it’s not like those people knew where they were headed either or were necessarily even on the same lap as you.

And it wasn’t just the participants that were confused. When Jason completed his three laps and then tried to finish the race he was told by a volunteer that he needed to go back around yet again. That guy absolutely refused to let Jason pass. Huh? Though robbed of his impressive finish time, Jason did accomplish his goal of catching up to Cam. I guess the promise of a delicious Camburger sufficiently quickened his step.

Like Jason, all of our finish times weren’t even close to accurate owing to the varying routes we took. But we succored our race frustrations by stuffing our faces afterwards with waffles and frites from Bruges. Waffles may not be quite as appealing as brains but when they’re chocolate filled I think it’s a close tossup.

As a side note, we will give this race another shot next year. I suspect the organizers have received many a complaint and will not make the same mistakes again.