Moab Part II: Delicate Towers… and Intestines

Posted by on December 20, 2015 at 11:55 am :: 2 Comments

Our second day in Moab, we decided to trek through some familiar and unfamiliar terrains in Arches National Park. The day’s extraordinary loveliness was expected; its extraordinary leakiness was not.* Let me elaborate.

We started out with a 3.4-mile hike to Tower Arch, the sole path in all of Arches we hadn’t wandered. A dirt access road made it a little harder to reach the trailhead but Tower’s distinctive steeple of stone and 92-foot span were worth the trouble.

It takes a little effort to reach Tower Arch's sculpted sandstone and knobby chimney.

It takes a little effort to reach Tower Arch’s sculpted sandstone and knobby chimney.

Delicate Arch, our second and last hike for the day, (Drat that brief winter sunlight!) was a repeat. Although we’ve climbed the miles to Delicate’s iconic curve a number of times, on this occasion it hurled us a few extra curves.

Tower Arch opens to a secluded landscape of twisted rock and sparse vegetation.

Tower Arch opens to a secluded landscape of twisted rock and sparse vegetation.

We decided to start our ascent late in the afternoon so we could catch the sun setting on the arch. This plan, we knew, meant fantastic pictures but also freezing temperatures. We were correct. I got some wonderful shots of the moon rising in the arch and it was 31 degrees on our return hike.

It's a good thing my Photoshop skills are decent enough to remove inconsiderate landmark-hogging tourists. Don't look too closely though, my talents aren't that remarkable.

It’s a good thing my Photoshop skills are decent enough to remove inconsiderate landmark-hogging tourists. Don’t look too closely though, my talents aren’t that remarkable.

Yes, we anticipated every detail of our Delicate journey… except Jason’s delicate intestines. About the time we reached the arch, Jason started complaining about his stomach not feeling so good but he insisted he was fit to continue our picture-taking plans. However, he did not proclaim his gastric fitness for long.

The nearly-full moon nestled itself inside Delicate Arch for a minute or two.

The nearly-full moon nestled itself inside Delicate Arch for a minute or two.

Only minutes into our return journey, Jason anxiously remarked that he would most likely require use of one of the pit toilets back at the parking lot when we reached them because his GI tract was squirmier than a nightcrawler on a fishing hook. Unfortunately, the mere suggestion of a potty altered his necessity for one. All of a sudden, he declared that he needed to use the bathroom right then and there… minus the bathroom, of course, because we were far from anything of the sort.

Frame Arch provides a perfect frame for Delicate Arch pictures. Hmm... I wonder how it got its name.

Frame Arch provides a perfect frame for Delicate Arch pictures. Hmm… I wonder how it got its name.

Those of you who have hiked to Delicate Arch before know that it is a very popular trail. It’s still well-used in November. So, lots of tourists were milling about us but, at this point, Jason’s pressure transcended the presence of people. After our brief potty talk, he barely made it five feet, equipped with the three Kleenexes and one wet wipe that I scrounged out of my backpack, before he could go no further without going.

We did some intimidating maneuvering to get into the basin below Delicate Arch.

We did some intimidating maneuvering to get into the basin below Delicate Arch.

I became lookout, ready to fend off hikers before they came across other things that would definitely fend them off. Did I mention that the landscape, being a desert and all, possessed little in way of vegetation, i.e. gawker blockers?

At least the photographing part of our Delicate Arch hike went as planned.

At least the photographing part of our Delicate Arch hike went as planned.

Miraculously, no ramblers approached just then and Jason got to have his violent evacuation in peace. And, mercifully, this experience was a one-time number-two crisis; it did not repeat itself at a later point on our hike. Phew! Jason blames his GI upset on the cold he was getting over. I don’t see how loose bowels have anything to do with nasal congestion but whatever puts your sphincters at ease.

Dalton Wells Road, like most of the Moab area, holds unique and curious scenery.

Dalton Wells Road, like most of the Moab area, holds unique and curious scenery.

The next day, we biked four miles down Dalton Wells Road. But we didn’t make it to the slickrock playground at its terminus that we were hoping to reach because, regrettably, I had a class to get back to and we ran out of time.

Moab was an adventure as always. There were chills (Brrr!), and thrills, and even spills… of the anal variety. It was another fabulous outing in our favorite outdoor playground but, just for the record, Moab is not our favorite outdoor potty.

*The extremely embarrassing details of this story, surprisingly, were published to the world with Jason’s permission.

2 Comments

  • Cam says:

    This is exactly what I want to read about. This is the kind of raw blogging that elicits visceral emotional responses- emotions that transcend the hum drum variety accompanying regular bowel movements.

  • Rachel says:

    Yup, another poo blog was just what the world needed. 🙂 Incidentally, your blog won’t allow commenting these days. Maybe that was by design or maybe it was by accident. Either way, you have missed out on some real gems. 🙂

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