Flowers, Fairies, and Flesh Eaters

Posted by on March 12, 2017 at 2:21 pm :: 3 Comments

Can’t go on one more day without knowing how Jason and I fared in our 2016 races? I figured as much and thus I am willingly sharing these completely mediocre finish times with the world. You’re welcome.

Tulip Festival Half Marathon

Race Specs: This is the hardest half marathon in Utah. It’s not downhill like most. It’s a rollercoaster and, as with any notable coaster, vomit’s a standard.

Race Stats: I finished in two hours and 26 minutes. Overall, a much better run for me than my last tiptoe through the tulips. I didn’t break any land speed records but I kept a steady pace and met my time goal of less than two and a half hours. Further, I only walked up three or four of the steepest hills, which was quite an accomplishment considering the bountiful bumps on this course. Jason finished under two hours, which was his aim. He crossed the line at one hour and 53 minutes. Jason’s dad, Keith, also ran this race. We were proud of him for taking on the Hungarian Horntail of half marathons on his first half attempt and slaying it.

My parents walked the Tulip Festival 5K so we had a hefty cheering section at the finish line. Thanks Ben Norell for the great pict!

My parents walked the Tulip Festival 5K so we had a hefty cheering section at the finish line. Thanks Ben Norell for the great pict!

Race Repercussions: Following the race, my knees hurt dreadfully the rest of the day. It was embarrassingly difficult to go up and down stairs. By the next day, the aches had retreated to mostly just my thighs but stairs were still painful. However, my discomfort was lessened by Jason’s awkward shambles. That boy really struggled with his knees both the day of the race and the day after… and probably some days after that. Within 24 hours, his calves and thighs also limped onto that bandwagon. Yup, he ran like a little boy during the race and then hobbled like an old man for days.

Lehi Roundup 10K

Race Specs: This race isn’t exotic but it is generally well planned and has become a tradition of ours over the years.

I'm not a competitive person, my only rival is myself, but I still appreciate the exhilaration of a starting line.

I’m not a competitive person, my only rival is myself, but I still appreciate the exhilaration of a starting line.

Remember that whole fight or flight evolutionary thing? Well, Jason is very flighty.

Remember that whole fight or flight evolutionary thing? Well, Jason is very flighty.

Race Stats: Jason won first place in his age group with 46:44. I finished at exactly 1H:3M:26S, coming in seventh in my age group. While this is nothing to be proud of, it isn’t too awful considering that typically about half the participants in any given race inevitably end up being women in my age group.

Fairy Tale Fun Run

Race Specs: Although not a timed event, this is, as its name suggests, a fun run. The course winds through Thanksgiving Point’s gardens where mermaids, pirates, princesses, and bad wolves await. I’d highly recommend this race if you’d like to get some little ones interested in exercise or just want to take your family on a running stroll through enchanted greens.

This fairy didn't get the dust memo.

This fairy didn’t get the dust memo.

Jason galloped through the Fairy Tale Run wearing that unicorn head even though he couldn't see where he was going and the plastic fumes choked his brain.

Jason galloped through the Fairy Tale Run wearing that unicorn head even though he couldn’t see where he was going and the plastic fumes choked his brain.

Race Stats: None, unless you want the speed at which Jason killed off brain cells inside his unicorn mask.

Fallen Officers Memorial Run 5K

Race Specs: This race’s purpose is to raise funds and promote caring for the families of law enforcement officers killed in the line of duty. It has a superhero theme and participants are encouraged to dress up. This year, Jason’s uncle was among the officers being honored so we felt particularly compelled to support the event.

Jason donned uncomfortable headgear again for the Fallen Officers Memorial Run for which he cut his nose and got his picture in the paper. Photo courtesy of Laura Seitz.

Jason donned uncomfortable headgear again for the Fallen Officers Memorial Run for which he cut his nose and got his picture in the paper. Photo courtesy of Laura Seitz.

Race Stats: We were joined at this race by a small gang of family members. Jason, Jeremy, and Keith all placed first in their age groups. I came in 3rd in mine. Jason finished in 24 minutes exactly and Jeremy came in seconds behind him. It took me 29 minutes and 20 seconds to drag my cape to the line. How did we fit in the grand sprint? Jason came in 10th overall out of 267 participants and I came in 42nd.

Night of the Running Dead 5K

Race Specs: The Night of the Running Dead is an undying favorite of ours. It has changed management, style, and locations over the years. This time it crept over a dark route that went along parts of the Porter Rockwell Trail and unused portions of Highland Drive. Glow sticks placed here and there gave the only meager indication of the course direction. With leaves crunching unseen under our feet and a shrinking moon eyeing us behind a sharp breeze, the night felt deliciously fall. It was a far howl from previous, more theatrical, versions of this race where the undead danced about and the apocalypse was broadcasted. We’ve found all renditions terribly satisfying.

I used the strip of light from the timeclock to transform Jason into a brain biter.

I used the strip of light from the timeclock to transform Jason into a brain biter.

Race Stats: Jason placed 2nd out of all the men. Good work Jason! His time of 26 minutes and 58 seconds was more sluggish than normal but the darkness and hills slowed everyone down. I placed 5th in my age group with a 9:56 mile average, not amazing but not too bad considering my putrid physique.

Yes, your life can go on now that you know Jason is still fast and continues to place often while I am still committed to maintaining my streak of mediocrity.

3 Comments

  • Cam says:

    Finally! I have been in life-limbo waiting for this post. First, congratulations on having the mental and physical fortitude to compel your bodies to run at all (sadly, I am currently “in the shop,” so to speak). Second, congratulations on not being in last place in any of your respective races. Third, many congrats on your fairly photographic fella (just going for alliteration there). Lastly, I challenge Jason to a race. But this will be no ordinary race. It will not use the feet, the mind, or any component of the body. It requires no skill, no preparation and covers no distance. Ready? Go!

  • Rachel says:

    Yes, there are people out there slower than me. Not being the slowest is a fine accomplishment. I’m not sure what your contest with Jason could be. Sleeping? Sorry you aren’t currently capable of running, you’ll get back there again little buddy. 🙂

  • jason says:

    What’s the challenge? I am interested although I don’t know what the competition is.

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