Terrifying Statistics

October is a time of sacrifice and supplication for us. We sacrifice our fingertips to the pushpin gods and plead daily with the muses of dreadful décor just to entertainment you. Yes, Halloween for us means throwing our customary gigantic party and all the work that that entails. We put our lives on hold in order to deck out two floors of our house for this shindig. We start arranging prizes, ordering medals, and sewing costumes as early as August. It’s a massive job. What is wrong with us?

Jason and I dressed as Zuko and Katara from The Last Airbender this year. Unfortunately, I forgot to wear the betrothal necklace I spent a lot of effort making perfect. What a dummy.
Medusa was the centerpiece of our front room. We made sure she had plenty of snakes in her lair including a striking rattler.

This year marked our thirteenth time attempting this task. In honor of that woeful anniversary let me share some startling party stats that might have you screaming in disbelief or not screaming in incomprehension. Since the collection of decorations we use for our party varies slightly each time these stats aren’t necessarily exactly representative of every year but they should give you an idea of the magnitude of our undertaking:

The normal number of attending guests? 35-70. This year we had 66; that’s close to a record.

The adult to child ratio at our party? The number of kids in attendance annually increases at a rate proportional to the proliferation of offspring but right now about 38% of our guests are children.

The number of Rubbermaid storage bins used to stow our decorations? 24. We also have quite a few cumbersomely-large items that just won’t fit in containers.

Jason’s sister Carley walked away with the prize for best costume with her amazing Bender outfit.

The average amount of time Jason and I spend on party preparations? This year in the week before our bash alone we spent roughly 35 hours apiece arranging cobwebs, designing creepy scenes, creating a custom playlist, optimizing lighting, and removing our normal furnishings. Since there are two of us that means that 70 man-hours of labor went into those finishing touches. Keep in mind that that’s about a third of the complete time we consumed getting ready for this thing. So if I had to guess I’d say that we’re looking at something in the ballpark of over 200 hours in total prep. That does not include the time it takes to clean up and take down everything so add on another 50 hours, which makes 250, and you’re probably close to our entire time investment. Would you put that much effort into a gathering that only lasts a few hours? I think not. That’s what makes me and Jason so special and so stupid.

The last couple years the number of players has exceeded our stash of Bingo cards so sharing has been necessary.
Jason did a great job creating his Zuko scar with latex, tissue paper, and cream makeup only he put it on the wrong eye.

The number of strings of lights hung? 73. Yes, just putting up the lights for our party takes an enormous amount of time.

The number of ravens? 39. Jason’s a sucker for the crows.

The number of rats? 11. That’s a tragically small number. Who called the Pied Piper?

The Browns had great Toy Story costumes for which they won a prize.

The number of candlesticks? 39. Most of these are battery or outlet powered. Open flames, little kids, and Jeremy Rowley: that sounds like the makings of my own personal horror movie.

The number of pumpkins? 25. From the friendly to the sinister these are a Halloween necessity.

The number of skulls? 89. No, that is not a typo.

We were a little concerned that this hanging creeper might be a bit too much for the small tikes but I didn’t hear any screaming so I guess it was alright.

The number of tea lights? 28. Tea lights are essential to generating a spooky atmosphere while simultaneously creating focus on specific areas.

The number of eyeballs? 97. You were being watched.

The number of creepy cloths? 28, some of which are over 16 feet long. That amount does not include the yards and yards of cheesecloth we use every year. It would be too hard to tally up our cheesy bits because we use dozens of pieces in every room.

The final frontier of costuming.
The way I arranged the mantle this time might possibly be my favorite of any year.

The number of bats? 38. You can’t create creep without suspending some rodents.

The number of camouflage nets? 14. Jason loves these. I think he would form a swamp in our basement too if I’d let him.

The number of spiders? 52. You can never have too many spiders.

The number of batteries used? 88. It literally takes us half an hour to turn everything on before our party and even then there are always a couple lights or devices that get forgotten.

All three of the Rowley kids went home winners.

The number of creative geniuses behind this affair? 2. Okay, so we may not be creative geniuses but forming a unique atmosphere every year is quite the originality challenge. We never display our eerie decor the same way twice and that makes arranging everything significantly harder. My brain hurts just thinking about it. Jason and I are either ambitious or ludicrous…probably both. We do make one fantastic duo though. We keep working at the spookifying together until it’s done. We don’t get ornery with each other and we don’t slack off. I couldn’t make it through this madness without Jason and he definitely couldn’t do it without me. We are the best team ever!

Tonya and Abigail made a bewitching pair.

The festivities this year were another success. We had nearly a record number of attendees and a greater throng of kids than ever. My thanks to all of you that were part of that large mass of humanity. It’s rewarding to hear that so many of your children look forward to this event like they were waiting for Santa Clause.

Fran won a prize for her imaginative interpretation of a ladybug on a leaf.

And the costumes this time? Fantastic. I’m amazed at some of the things you people came up with. We had Totoro, Bloo, La Forge, and Bender present. The competition was pretty cutthroat so anyone that won should definitely take pride in their victory.

At our party Captain America finally reunited with his girlfriend Peggy Carter. I don’t think he was expecting her to have aged backwards though.

I’d like to shout out a big thank you to the kind individuals that aided in the maintenance of our sanity. Becca and Nicole assisted us during the party. Awesome! And Cameron, once again, came back after his kids were dropped off to help us sort out our kitchen disaster. Also awesome!

This mummy hand was one of the few new editions to our decor this year.
I’m not sure how my mom convinced my dad to don red yarn.

Owing partly to that help our event didn’t make us completely crazy but, days after the festivities, Jason and I are still totally exhausted. Yet we have a whole lot of take down and pack up left to do, which will probably take us weeks to finish. We survived another huge party production though and I’m pretty sure that some of you enjoyed yourselves at our shindig. So I’d say that at least a few of the ridiculous number of hours we spent on our gathering were justified. Two hundred and fifty though? Maybe not.

Arise and Run

It’s common knowledge that Jason and I are a little crazy so it shouldn’t surprise anyone that we signed up to run two 5Ks on the same Saturday. While our decision to do what some would categorize as “sort of stupid” shouldn’t astonish any of you, the outcome of that borderline stupidity may shock everyone a little. I’m still a little flabbergasted myself.

When we found out a few weeks ago that one of Jason’s coworkers was organizing a race to help pay for the expensive specialized school his autistic child, Easton, attends we were onboard even though this 5K fell on the same day as another race we had already signed up for. I guess either our hearts are bigger than our brains or we are just idiots beyond reason.

Abigail and I were proud of our medals. We may not have outpaced too many people to get them but we outpaced enough.

Easton’s 5K was a small event with a little less than 100 runners involved but it was well organized. Some of our fellow R.A.C.ers, Jeremy Rowley and Abigail, tackled it with us and Jeremy brought his 10 year old boy Milo too. It was Milo’s first race ever and for a little kid that doesn’t exercise regularly I thought he did great. Sure, Jeremy had to give him a piggyback ride at one point and Milo totally collapsed in the grass right after he crossed the finish line, but he didn’t give up so good job Milo!

I didn’t push myself too much while moving along this course. I knew my next race was just hours away so beating some land speed records wasn’t part of my agenda. That’s why I was shocked when I found out that I had actually won 3rd place out of all the women. Abigail, who was about 30 seconds ahead of me, took 1st. I think she was equally surprised. I’m still not exactly sure how we pulled it off but somehow I’m now no longer a total loser.

Milo only made it a few feet past the finish before he crashed in the grass. He was feeling sickly after his uncustomary exercise.

Jason and I had signed up for our second 5K of the day, the Night of the Running Dead, months ago. We participated in this event, which is a nice mix of horror and health, last year. You can either run it as a zombie or a human. Humans get a 2 minute head start and then the zombies are let loose on them. Pretty awesome, right? Jason and I again opted to represent the undead. Zombies are trendy and disgusting so kind of wonderful in our book.

Last year’s undead race had some organizational challenges. It took place in the middle of a toasty afternoon plus the route, with its morphing loops, was anyone’s guess. But we liked the creepy concept so we wanted to give this run one more shot. Unfortunately, all of the friends that joined us last year weren’t as forgiving. The fear of resurrecting the combination of sweltering temperatures and confusion that made them feel like they really were the living dead in need of brains kept them from registering. Jason and I had faith though that the past would not be revived and we were right. We thought this year’s race was fabulous and I believe the thousands of other participants would agree with us.

We didn’t use latex to putrefy ourselves this year because last time our sweat pooled underneath those patches transforming us into even fouler creatures than we had anticipated. But I think we still fit the part without it.

The run started at 9:00 PM, 9:02 if you were a zombie. It could have been freezing by that time in the evening but instead it was perfect. What a pleasant night for an apocalypse. Before the start we were shown news clips of the infection that led to the reanimation revolution. The clips ended with a report that the president had ordered the bombing of Salt Lake City due to its raging zombie infestation and then all of a sudden fireworks exploded representing that airstrike. It was rather cool.

More entertainment was in store for us after we headed on our way. Our route went through some residential areas and many of those residents came outside to watch the hordes of corpses sprint past. Some of them even brought out their lawn chairs like the throngs of scampering carcasses were part of a glitzy parade. It made me chuckle. We were also greeted along our path by some professional zombies ranging from the wandering to the menacing. They added another element of spookiness and fun.

Jason found his golden brain quite satisfying.

I thought I might be sluggish and all tuckered out during this race seeing as it was my second one of the day but the refreshing evening air and the power of my vile disguise propelled me forward. I guess I really am a creature of the night. I kept a faster pace than I had at Easton’s and finished 15th in my age category. Since my group included all 19-34 year olds I was satisfied with that placement. Jason, on the other hand, was fixated on achieving the type of satisfaction that only comes from a full belly. He finished 1st in his age group and was awarded a golden brain. He was pretty excited about his win; I didn’t know the reanimated could be so animated.

Doing two races in one day was a nutty plan but it certainly wasn’t our first ill-conceived scheme and I hope it won’t be our last. Besides Jason’s calves being practically useless the next day and my ankle being a little stiff and swollen we weren’t really any worse for wear though and since we both took home a medal maybe double events should be the new Sabin standard…or perhaps not.

Discovering Kodachrome

There are many remote regions in Utah. Places that you’ve never heard of that are no less lovely than some of the state’s more traveled spots. Jason and I just visited one of those areas.

I am an eager explorer; my unquenchable curiosity is no doubt the culprit. So when I recently came across information on Kodachrome Basin, a state park that Jason and I had never been to, I decided that it was time we took a little trip. Kodachrome Basin State Park is in south-central Utah about half an hour from Bryce Canyon National Park. You’d think that with its proximity to Bryce it would be a popular detour but apparently that’s not the case. I, however, was intent on not only visiting Kodachrome’s striking spires of sandstone but on making them a destination instead of an afterthought.

The ashen-tipped hills of Angel’s Palace looked like they belonged on another planet.

Jason and I set aside a weekend for our adventure and stayed in a cute KOA cabin about 15 minutes outside the park. We spent a day investigating Kodachrome’s unfamiliar terrain and found that while this region’s garbled rock formations and vivid landscapes reminded us of several other places in Southern Utah, it had a look of its own. For starters, it was surprisingly green. When you’re in the middle of a desert you don’t expect to see fields of flourishing Indian rice and corral grasses bending gracefully to the wind. Kodachrome’s slopes gather water, which explains its basin title, so the environment is relatively lush. My favorite thing about Kodachrome though wasn’t its abundance of plant life but its absence of human life. We saw only a handful of people on each of the trails we explored. That seclusion made the park’s grandeur even more pronounced.

This rock looked like a massive dinosaur bone but it was just one of the many odd spires strewn across Kodachrome.
Jason’s favorite bit of the whole trip was the snack break we took while sitting in a nook above Shakespeare Arch.

The trail options at Kodachrome weren’t limitless but they were more than enough to fill up our day. We took in a birds-eye view from the plateaus of the Angel’s Palace Trail then we checked out Shakespeare Arch, the only arch in Kodachrome, from the slickrock above it. To finish off our day we hiked the Panorama Trail and walked among its pipe giants and secret passageways.

Shakespeare Arch wasn’t expansive but it was quaint.

On our way back from Kodachrome we diverted into the neighboring Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument to gawk at Grosvenor Arch. This double arch, with its gold-streaked sandstone, was impressive and unlike any other arch I’ve seen. Its immovable curves were worth the long jerky dirt road we had to take to get to them.

Grosvenor Arch was striking in the sunset with its gilded tones and lofty splendor.
We slept in sleeping bags and roasted marshmallows by the campfire but I don’t think you could call our cabin’s modern accommodations camping.

Although the focus of our excursion was surveying the hitherto unknown, Jason and I couldn’t go right by Bryce Canyon and not go in for a bit even if both of us have been there on numerous occasions. That would be a crime against convenience and nature. But no need for concern, Bryce ended up being part of our explorations of the undiscovered anyway. We opted to try out a trail through the canyon that we had never taken before: the Peekaboo Loop. This path is nearly 5 miles long and is categorized as strenuous thanks to its many ups and downs. That classification is precisely why we could never successfully convince any of the family members or friends we’ve gone to Bryce with to attempt it. And now that I’ve done this loop I have to say that laziness really is the bane of beholding beauty. The Peekaboo Loop was much less crowded than Bryce’s shorter trails and the scenery was stunning. Pale sandstone hoodoos towered above us and bled into their more colorful counterparts making the terrain look foreign to Earth. Gorgeous!

The world is submersed in beauty at Bryce Canyon so choosing a picture spot is difficult.
The Windows were imposing and impressive.

Eventually all good things must end though. Our wonderful weekend was over far too quickly but we stretched out the fun a tad by deviating from our route home to check out a couple of cool places. We took a few minutes to hike to the Mossy Cave and stopped at Widtsoe, a real ghost town deserted in the 1930s.

I’m not sure what I was doing here but it had to do with coercion from Jason.

Though not technically inside Bryce Canyon, the Mossy Cave path is part of the national park. It heads up a brightly tinted canyon to, not surprisingly, a mossy cave along with a waterfall created by the early Mormon settlers a hundred years ago as a segment of the Tropic Canal. Despite its uninspiring name, the Mossy Cave was a pleasant easy hike.

Thor’s Hammer is one of the most photographed hoodoos in Bryce Canyon for good reasons.

Widtsoe was a peculiar place. While not completely a ghost town, someone had recently built a large cabin up on the hillside behind it, it still had that forgotten vibe. Its few remaining buildings, which somehow had escaped the government’s bulldozers in the 40s, looked like they belonged on a horror movie set with their crumbling plaster and rotting wood. Jason loved their spookiness and I had to hold him back from stupidly jumping right into the decay. Although the remnants of this town were odd enough, the cemetery was stranger still. Most of the graves were from about 1910-1930 but there were a few as recent as 2012. This graveyard was as isolated as they come. With nothing but the desert wind rustling through the hardy junipers and the tinkling of wind chimes left by loved ones to disturb the absolute silence, I can’t think of a more peaceful resting place. But it was also on the eerie side. The arid landscape had not been altered much by those interred and the graves were so haphazardly placed it almost seemed as if the ground had just sprouted the tombstones along with the dry grasses. Only the mounds of dirt marking the burial sites implied a human presence but those piles, which conjured images of the Wild West or the rushed entombments of an epidemic, amplified the atmosphere of creepiness rather than reduced it. Yes, the Widtsoe cemetery is probably not a place you’d catch me lurking in after dark.

This house has stood unoccupied for nearly 80 years.
The inside of that abandoned house was a mess of rot and deterioration.

Our Kodachrome weekend was perfection. We discovered magnificence that made me small, serenity that left me silenced, and eccentricity that gave me goose bumps. Not bad for a little outing just a few hours away. Utah has a lot to offer off the beaten path. Jason and I won’t ever get tired of examining its unknowns or revisiting our favorites. After all, life isn’t something to be endured but something to be explored.