Tour de Riverton (Men Suck)

Jason felt a little left out when I biked Goldilocks a few months ago since he was prohibited from participating in this ride because of his obvious lack of femaleness. I therefore decided to sign us up for a coed ride called the Tour de Riverton so his tired muscles could convince him that he never needed to feel like he was missing out on anything ever again.

Ive never heard so much clicking in all my life.
When the ride started all of a sudden hundreds of bikers connected their fancy biking shoes to their pedals. I've never heard so much clicking in all my life. It made me laugh a little.

The Tour de Riverton, a 25 mile ride, took place bright and early last Saturday. Although this event, like Goldilocks, was “noncompetitive” the presence of men had the obnoxious effect of making it a lot less laidback than Goldilocks. Sorry men, sometimes your competitive intensity is simply not cool.

Jason too had a hard time quelling his urge to beat out whatever guy happened to be pedaling next to him but I made it clear from the start that if he decided to turn this ride into a race he was on his own and I would just continue to mosey along at my own pace and enjoy the lovely morning. I guess my husband does love me because he wasn’t too tempted to leave me to meander the course by myself. He’d say he wasn’t tempted at all but I know better.

The course followed a lot of the same paths as Goldilocks did, which was okay with me
The Tour de Riverton course followed a lot of the same paths as Goldilocks, which was okay with me because Goldilocks went through some rather scenic farmland.

My critique? Although I got to spend nearly 3 hours biking with my sweet husband during the Tour de Riverton and I enjoyed it, I liked Goldilocks better. Goldilocks was so chill and relaxed. You could tell the participating women weren’t there just to bike; they were also there to hangout and socialize with one another. When men were added to the mix for the Tour de Riverton who was ahead of you seemed to become far more important than who you were riding with. What can I say men, sometimes you suck.

Total Eclipse

Vampires, werewolves, and screaming 40 year old women… oh my!

Jason and I went to the Twifest, an Eclipse premier party put on by a local theater chain, last week with my friend Wendy. It had all the fixins of a good time:

Vendor booths where you can blow lots of money on frivolous cutesy stuff and cheesy Twilight merchandise? Check

Lots of crazy fans running around wearing red contacts and black capes like the loopy leftovers of some Halloween gone bad? Check

Tasty drinks named after tasty men? Check

The good company of my own hot man? Check

Lanyards accessorized with an abundance of Twilight character pins? Check

A girly companion to giggle and scream with? Check

This sidewalk chalk art looked pretty cool.
This sidewalk art looked pretty cool...and I looked pretty idiotic groping it.

And did the movie satisfy?

Lots of feelings and talking about feelings? Check

Buff men who run around shirtless even in the middle of blizzards? Check

Sparkles? Check

The ever classic werewolf-vampire-human love triangle? Check

Wendy and I were happy to play the part of the half-crazed Twilight fans
Wendy and I were happy to play the part of half-crazed Twilight fans for the camera. Yeah, we were only acting. Uh Huh.

I liked the movie even though it had a few problems. The special effects were only so-so; considering the amount of money that baby is sure to bring in they could have done much better. And the pacing was completely off during the scene at the end where Jacob gets hurt; it felt rushed and unrealistic. Yeah, I know this is a movie about a bunch of werewolves and vampires so realism isn’t exactly paramount but still… also, if you pay attention you’ll notice Jacob phases back into a human with his shorts on in that scene. How is that supposed to work, eh???

Despite my grievances I enjoyed the flick and had a lot of fun being among the flock of fanatical twerds.

Abandoned Kitten Rescue Patrol

While Jas and I were out running last week on the Jordan River trail we came across what I thought at first was a ferret but it turned out to be two little kittens playing on the side of the path. This seemed like an odd spot for kittens to be hanging out since it wasn’t near any homes so on our way back we kept a lookout for these little guys and sure enough they were still in the same place chilling in the bushes.

We realized that they must have been abandoned by some irresponsible moron so we really could only consider one course of action. We ran home and grabbed a cardboard box, some tuna fish, and flashlights. Then we literally ran back in the moonlight to where we found the kittens, which was over a mile and a half away from our house, and used the fish to lure them out of the thick bushes and river grasses. It worked; they came out when they smelled the fish but to our surprise there weren’t just two of them, there were four and a very tired and skinny looking mama.

This kitten is probably my favorite. He
This kitten is probably my favorite. She is mild-mannered and very fluffy.

We had been planning on catching the little guys, taking them home with us, and keeping them until we found them good homes but the presence of their mother changed our approach. We didn’t want to separate the babies from their mama but we didn’t think we could catch the mom so we fed them all and left them to their mother’s watchful care.

I named this kitten Willy.
I named this kitten Willy. He’s very playful and feisty. He also seems to enjoy aggravating his siblings.

We have made the 3 mile round trip to these cats nearly every day since then, either on foot or on our bikes, to feed them. They have become more used to us and we plan on trapping them soon so they can begin the process of finding loving homes. We have conversed with several animal rescue organizations about these furry rascals and the consensus on their origins so far is that they were probably semi-feral barn cats before they were dumped by the river and therefore have had somewhat limited human contact. This would explain why they seem relatively used to humans but still not too anxious to associate with us. The experts we have talked to also believe that it is very likely that the mama cat was abused or neglected based off her demeanor.

I call this kitten the mama
I call this kitten the Mama’s Boy. He follows his mom around like a shadow.

Sometimes I am ashamed to be a human; it is unfortunate that intelligence and conscience do not always go hand in hand. Those poor little river cats are adorable and anyone that could discard them like yesterday’s trash, leaving them to starve or fend for themselves, obviously has the moral fiber of a cockroach. We hope that someone can offer these tiny cats caring homes and show them that not all people are unkind. We have been working with a couple of great local animal charities, Four Paws Rescue and No More Homeless Pets, to make that happen. I will update all you curious animal lovers on the outcome of our feline adventures when the situation is completely resolved.