Moab’s Rockin’ Red Light District

If you came across this post as the result of a search your mom would be ashamed of, you are in the wrong spot. The only perfectly-rounded boulders you’ll find here are older than the dinosaurs, literally.

We rode through a valley that seemed nearly forgotten by mankind.
We rode through a valley that seemed nearly forgotten by mankind.

Jason and I recently celebrated the end of another school semester by heading down to Moab, our favorite weekend getaway spot. Even though I popped one of my ribs out snowboarding just hours before we started for Moab and was in a decent amount of pain, we didn’t alter our plans because of my discomfort. (Snowboarding aggravates my ribs often, a fact I stubbornly ignore.)

Our path didn't cross slickrock too often but it did offer a sampling of rock candy.
Our path didn’t cross slickrock too often but it did offer a sampling of rock candy.
Rock ledges find you when you're in Moab but that's usually a good thing.
Rock ledges find you when you’re in Moab but that’s usually a good thing.

We decided to do a 20-mile bike ride to Prostitute Butte our first day in Moab. Yup, you read that right. We rode that stony lady all day long. (I didn’t name it; I just wrote it.)

Part of this journey went along a trail shared with ATVs. As it turns out, there are a lot of idiots that drive ATVs. As it also turns out, I am not actually a fan of idiots. We had clouds of dust flung into our faces by drivers that refused to be courteous and slow down as they passed us. Plus, I had the super pleasant experience of almost getting run over by an ATV that was going wildly fast around a blind curve. Yup, idiots. To be fair, I feel I must mention that we also had a few ATV drivers stop and inquire if we had enough water and whatnot before they continued past us. So there are some civil off-roaders out there.

Frolicking cows had mucked up a large portion of our path, making for a bumpy ride.
Frolicking cows had mucked up a large portion of our path, making for a bumpy ride.

Although we had some run-ins with the moronic cavalcade, much of our path was completely devoid of people. Some parts clearly hadn’t seen any riders in weeks, maybe longer. Yup, the only morons in those sections were the ones we brought with us. It was delicious solitude after the gritty ATV stampede.

I can't say I have much experience with prostitutes but I'm pretty sure they don't generally look like that.
I can’t say I have much experience with prostitutes but I’m pretty sure they don’t generally look like that.

Prostitute Butte wasn’t exactly what we expected. I thought this scandalously-named outcropping would at least remotely resemble a human form, perhaps even contain some soft feminine curves. Instead, it looked like a misshapen worm. Moab must have experienced some pretty wild days in its past for someone to look at that big block of rock and decide that it resembled a lady of the night. I sure didn’t see the similarity.

Pritchett Arch forms a gap in Prostitute's upper recesses.
Pritchett Arch forms a gap in Prostitute’s upper recesses.

Like any enigmatic woman, Prostitute held a few secrets. She concealed Pritchett Arch and Picture Frame Arch in her ample sandstone folds. They made her hulking structure more stimulating.

Picture Frame Arch is uncommonly angular for an arch.
Picture Frame Arch is uncommonly angular for an arch.

We ended up taking a shortcut on our return journey because daylight was fading fast. This reduced the length of our expedition to a mere 17.5 miles, which, frankly, felt like plenty with all the sand traps, faded trails, and ATVs we’d encountered.

This is a very flattering picture capturing the second time I had to dump heaps of sand out of my shoes within a 30-minute interval.
This is a very flattering picture capturing the second time I had to dump heaps of sand out of my shoes within a 30-minute interval.

Next week, our treks in Canyonlands National Park and altercations with Moab’s giants will be covered. Get ready to be amazed or completely bored, one of the two.

I Have Sin Citied Again

Jason and I didn’t except to end up in Vegas less than two months after our last visit but we did. Jason was asked to attend some meetings at the Consumer Electronics Show, the largest show of its kind in the world, at the last minute and my winter semester hadn’t started yet so I agreed to tag along with him to Sin City.

You already know my tenacious opinions of Vegas so I’ll skip the psych analysis on humanity and just get to the happenings on this particular trip.

I take my food seriously and don't fuss about a little face sauce.
I take my food seriously and don’t fuss about a little face sauce.

Jason and I wasted no opportunities to eat well while in Vegas. We dined at Javier’s, Emeril’s New Orleans Fish House, and Bobby’s Burger Palace. Emeril’s was a little disappointing to be honest, probably because I have high expectations when it comes to grits.

Additionally, we went to a couple shows. David Copperfield’s magic was full of childish wonder and, unexpectedly, had a plot line. I think little kids would love his program and we big kids liked it too. We also caught the Jabbawockeez production called Dreamz. The Jabbawockeez crew, with their signature white masks and gloves, put on quite an entertaining show. Their mix of hip-hop, popping, b-boying, and humor was easy to watch.

The Jabbawockeez put on a mesmerizing dance show with a mix of hip-hop and humor.
The Jabbawockeez put on a mesmerizing dance show with a mix of hip-hop and humor.

I spent an afternoon wandering the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) while Jason was there hobnobbing with potential clients. Incidentally, in case you are ever inclined to attend CES, be aware that it is not open to the public and it is terribly difficult to convince the registration personnel of your credentials if you don’t have a business card. I’m a published scientist and it’s a lot harder to feign publication than to fabricate a business card. Yet, without a card, they were not going to let me in regardless. Fortunately, an overseer saw my logic and granted me a pass. CES was massive and sent me into overload mode quickly but it was fun drifting through the booths full of everything from talking ovens to guitar-playing robots.

I had to blow a few dollars at this slot machine because the One Ring beckoned.
I had to blow a few dollars at this slot machine because the One Ring beckoned.

My favorite thing about Vegas on this occasion wasn’t the food or entertainment but the sunshine. It was unusually overcast in Vegas during our stay but the sun did come out one afternoon for a bit and so did I. It felt decadent to read a book in a tank top by the pool in the middle of winter. Forget gambling and other debauchery, just give me some sunshine and I will feel like I won the jackpot.

Vegas wouldn’t have been my first vacation choice but, I have to admit, the sunshine was incredible and the restaurants and diversions weren’t half bad either.

A Disney Diversion

Sometimes you need a break, a break that’s an actual break not just doing homework somewhere else. This December, after my semester ended, that is exactly what I needed. So, per my demands, Jason and I took a few days off from life and headed to Disneyland.

We bought ponchos around the time the rain tapered out.
We bought ponchos around the time the rain tapered out.
This 1,350-pound gingerbread house took up a large space in the lobby of the Grand Californian Hotel.
This 1,350-pound gingerbread house took up a large space in the lobby of the Grand Californian Hotel.

Our first hour in Disneyland it rained a lot. I was under the impression that California never received precipitation anymore but, apparently, that isn’t exactly true. We got completely drenched and then waited in a long line to buy ponchos just in time for it to let up.

Cars Land has an inviting nostalgic feel.
Cars Land has an inviting nostalgic feel.
I got a warm hug from Olaf.
I got a warm hug from Olaf.

I was also under the mistaken impression that Decembers at Disneyland were warm because they have been for us on every other occasion. However, this time, the shorts I packed did not get used. If it looks like I’m wearing the same thing in all of this post’s pictures, it’s because I am wearing the same thing… everything I brought with me. Yes, in the evenings I wore a t-shirt, a sweatshirt, a sweater, a hoodie, a jacket, one of Jason’s jackets, a scarf, and gloves. One afternoon I did strip down to a t-shirt for about an hour though.

Disneyland is celebrating their 60th anniversary this year. They have photo spots like this one placed around the park to commemorate.
Disneyland is celebrating their 60th anniversary this year. They have photo spots like this one placed around the park to commemorate.
You can't beat the glamour of a fake open road.
You can’t beat the glamour of a fake open road.

So my preconceptions about weather and precipitation were off. Now, let me address your incorrect preconceptions. People often have a notion that Disneyland is no fun without kids. That is false. Jason and I have been there on many occasions as a couple and we consistently have a fabulous time. Sorry, your kids really aren’t as useful as you think.

Disneyland adds a lot of holiday cheer to their parks in December.
Disneyland adds a lot of holiday cheer to their parks in December.

You can always find new amusements at Disneyland, no matter how many times you’ve come. During this trip, we discovered Disney Animation, a whole interactive area in California Adventure we didn’t know existed. There, in addition to talking with Crush the turtle, we learned what Disney characters we would be. I would be EVE from WALL-E and Jason would be Syndrome from The Incredibles. (Jason a villain? No surprise there.)

Forget princesses, I wanted to meet Chewbacca.
Forget princesses, I wanted to meet Chewbacca.
Wookiees give soft hugs.
Wookiees give soft hugs.

The Force Awakens was opening just days after our visit and Disneyland was hopping like a cantina party in anticipation. Tomorrowland had been converted to Season of the Force. Hyperspace Mountain traveled to a galaxy far, far away. Instead of sparkly princesses, you could get cozy with Darth Vader, Chewbacca, or Boba Fett at the Star Wars Launch Bay. As we are sci-fi nerds, we were totally down with all of these galactic alterations. I might have bought a little too much Star Wars merchandise… or I might not have bought enough really. Would you call a dress, a couple t-shirts, some Christmas tree ornaments, a few comic books, a wallet, a book, and a Luke doll enough?

Everyone loves Pluto.
Everyone loves Pluto.
You have to get a picture in the dog pound when you're in Toontown. It's required.
You have to get a picture in the dog pound when you’re in Toontown. It’s required.

We always have a long list of places and foods we need to eat when we go to Disneyland. Jason made sure we had reservations at Napa Rose, Storytellers Café, and Blue Bayou. We also devotedly chowed corn dogs, churros, pineapple floats, asparagus and bacon skewers, and hand-dipped ice cream bars. You know, just the healthy stuff.

Mickey's Toontown is a vibrantly interactive section of Disneyland.
Mickey’s Toontown is a vibrantly interactive section of Disneyland.
Big Thunder Mountain here I come!
Big Thunder Mountain here I come!

Disneyland wasn’t exactly paradise this trip. It was cold and occasionally wet. However, it was also a much needed breather from the occupational and scholastic summersaulting I’ve been doing the last six months. Twenty layers or not, we had a great time being the big little kids that we are. Plus, it snowed back home the whole time we were gone so that made Disneyland’s disagreeable weather seem far less nasty.