When we were in San Diego a couple weeks ago we were startled to find ourselves in the middle of a sudden zombie invasion. Hundreds of walking dead began ambling down the crowded sidewalks of 5th Avenue one day as we were heading back to our hotel. It was unsettling and amusing all at once. (For a clip of the footage we took refer to my Comic-Khan post.)
Jason's brother Matt and Matt's friend Tabatha were our zombie compadres. And no, I am not normally that pale though it it's probably debatable whether painting myself various shades of grey made a significant difference in my skin tone.
Upon our return home we were surprised to hear that a similar event would be taking place in Salt Lake City just a couple weeks after the one we witnessed in San Diego. Since we are dorks extraordinaire we couldn’t miss this unique opportunity to get our undead stumble on.
I had never dabbled in latex before so I was pretty proud of my initial attempt with this arm wound. Not too shoddy for a first timer.
Jason’s brother Matt and a couple of his friends joined us, and the roughly 2,000 other zombie walkers, for a mile and a half lurch around downtown Salt Lake City last Sunday. What a fun and crazy activity! This horde of corpses, which overflowed the sidewalks for blocks, closely resembled your worst nightmare. We came across many astonished bystanders whose apparent anxiousness only encouraged chasings by rouge zombies. Being among the army of monsters, in contrast to being on the menu, may seem like it would have been a relatively untroubled experience but it wasn’t as carefree as you might think.
The undead horde was waiting here to be released from Pioneer Park.
First of all, I wasn’t anticipating a little decomposing flesh and some oozing wounds turning me into a celebrity. Disgusting must be “in” because there were cameras everywhere. The vacant sneers of us maggot magnets were always met with flashes and glaring lenses…and sometimes screams. Man, if I had known the paparazzi were going to be swarming I would have worn my more fashionable tattered shirt and styled my rotting hair.
Looks like something you'd see in a post-apocalypse city; a chilling reminder of humanity's violent end.My favorite detail of Matt's costume was his hair accessories: dead leaves adorned his ratty crown. Just what you'd expect to find on the head of someone fresh from the grave.
Secondly, shuffling through post-life may seem like an almost relaxing pursuit, I know we flesh-gnawers make shambling slowly look so easy, but let me assure that dragging one of your limbs behind you in an unnatural fashion and hanging your atrophied arms like limp fish as you stagger over the ground at a maddeningly sluggish pace is anything but comfortable. I’m certain this is why many of the undead gave up on maintaining their swagger as we neared the end of the course. I never relinquished my grotesque authenticity and I had the backache afterward to prove it.
Jason was an eager brain-seeker. He liked to spook those we passed with a lively chase or a menacing groan. The streets of downtown were literally dripping with blood after our masses staggered through.
Besides the clumsiness and awkward notoriety, being a zombie was also frustrating because your terrified quarry often jumped into trees or over fences as easy as nibbling a toe. How are you supposed to get some brains if holding your rigid arms out in a useless fashion is the most offensive move in your arsenal? What’s a poor hungry zombie to do?
Tennis shoes, a race t-shirt, sweatbands, and a Walkman: how ironic that a runner couldn't escape the clutches of a lumbering zombie. Why didn't someone warn me that it's not a good idea to wear headphones when running in traffic or when the world is teeming with the undead?This little girl was freaky with a leash around her waist and a brain in her mouth.
So before you start feeling sorry for yourself, and all of those other tasty humans, consider the zombies’ plight. If you tried hobbling a mile and a half in their putrid shoes you might have a little sympathy for those ghouls. After all, most of them probably have a permanently kinked neck and a rumbly tummy. No wonder they’re grouchy; we all know how low blood sugar can affect your outlook on life.
Do you remember me complaining last month about Jason always getting sick at the most inconvenient times? Well, that illustrious tradition continues.
I had great plans for Jason’s birthday. I’d work half a day while he slept in and relaxed and then we’d catch the new Potter film and go out for a fancy dinner. Sounds nice, right? I thought so too.
Unfortunately, the night before Jason’s big day his tummy started hurting and then, less than an hour after we had gone to sleep, I awoke to him wandering out of our bedroom in a hurry. Somewhere in the recesses of my consciousness I concluded that his stomach issues were probably causing an emergency potty run and then I quickly drifted back to sleep…until I was roused again by a disquieting thud. This unnatural clatter was very loud but I thought it must be a product of my sleepiness since I couldn’t imagine what would cause such a ruckus. It turned out that the clamor was no slumber-induced figment yet a “what” didn’t cause it but a “who” rather.
Jason’s cake featured a huge hand made out of Rice Krispies and tubes that released dry ice smoke from a reservoir below. Special effects and tastiness-now that’s a cake!
Jason had hurried into the bathroom to upchuck and, after doing so, had felt a surge of heat run through him and then all had gone black. He had passed out and hit the tiled bathroom floor hard giving himself some cuts and a monster of a headache. Happy birthday Jason!
Worrying about Jason and all the implications his sickness would mean for his birthday plans kept me up until 5:30 that morning. An hour and a half of sleep is a catnap not a restful slumber. Not a good night for either of the Sabins.
This isn’t the greatest picture of Jas but the kids kept swarming the cake so it’s the best I could get.
Luckily, Jason’s illness vanished almost as quickly as it had struck. By the time I dragged myself out the door for work the next morning he was already feeling well enough to eat the sweet rolls I had bought him for his birthday breakfast. Yeah! So we still got to see Harry Potter that afternoon as planned (armed with a barf baggie that thankfully we didn’t need to use). We decided to delay going out for an elegant birthday dinner that night though. Jason wasn’t too hip on the possibility of his nice meal boomeranging back up his esophagus, and truthfully I wasn’t terribly stoked about that idea either, so we just got Café Rio takeout and took it easy at home. It wasn’t exactly how I had envisioned his birthday ending but at least it didn’t conclude with more barfing escapades.
Volleyball has become a standard at Jason’s birthday parties and my inability to play it has also become expected.
The next day I had a party in the park planned for Jason and, since his fluids were once again all properly contained, he was ready to socialize. I bought pizza from Malawi’s for everyone and my friend Robyn made a surprise Hulk cake. She did an amazing job! I totally threw Jason off the scent with a decoy cake so he was completely shocked by his superhero. I am so clever!
His party mostly consisted of the adults eating and chatting at the park’s gazebo while their kids enjoyed the playground. Of course we also brought it on with our customary volleyball tournament. My side won-no thanks to me. At one point my buddy Cameron told me that it would be better for our team if I just didn’t even try to hit the ball. I should have reminded him that whether I tried or didn’t try the outcome would be the same; either way I wouldn’t be making contact with that airborne orb.
Cameron relieved us of all the cherries leftover from the party. I’m guessing he might have had to relieve himself after eating all of those.
Even though Jason’s birthday started out with a thud at least it didn’t end like a dud. Most of my plans worked out and, although it still hurts Jason to chew, his face deflated after about 24 hours and didn’t bruise too much. Good thing because I think when people say that birthdays are scarring they don’t mean it literally.
Jason’s mom Sue and his brother Jeremy were both born in July along with me and Jason. Yes, that means we go through enough birthday cake during the month to give a small country diabetes.
This year Jason’s parents decided that it would be fun to celebrate all our July birthdays by taking a trip down to Utah’s Dixie. They got us tickets to see the two shows playing at an outdoor theater in St. George called Tuacahn: The Little Mermaid and Grease. This gave us an excuse to take a break and spend the weekend in St. George together.
This is the condo at Lava Falls that we rented. It was a lovely building with a secluded patio.
Jason’s parents, Sue and Keith, stayed with me and Jason at a condo we rented for the weekend. The condo was beautiful and allowed each couple to have their own bathroom and bedroom while still promoting family togetherness. We got plenty of chances to play board games and chat; it reminded me a lot of hanging out at the old Sabin cabin but with less dust.
It felt like we were under the sea when that rain hit. It came sloshing at us from all directions.Jason's mom Sue had her birthday while we were down in St. George. We surprised her with a little lemon cake and a horribly sung birthday song.
Friday night Jason and I got down to St. George with little time to spare before the start of The Little Mermaid but we managed to make it. Not that our timeliness ended up mattering much. Do you remember the scene where Ariel rescues Prince Eric from the stormy seas? Lightning is flashing across the sky as thunder pounds the earth and a thrashing rain begins to fall. Well, right when that scene was being played out on stage real thunder began rumbling the sandstone plateaus around us and unforgiving water started pelting the ground. Jason and I had brought ponchos with us just in case but even with those on the wind whipped us so wet we ended up taking shelter in a covered area along with everyone else. After waiting half an hour for the rain to stop, which it didn’t, the show was canceled for the evening. There were a lot of little girls crying that night because of the unhappy ending to their fairytale magic.
Jason was queen-I mean king-of the mountain.Jason crawled up the sides of Jenny's Canyon. I can't take that monkey boy anywhere!St. George wasn't as hot as it usually is in July but we still were way past warm. This nook gave me and Jas a very brief break from the intense sun...and yet another opportunity to look silly.
Although it was sad that our Friday activities got halted, we didn’t waste time pouting. The next morning Jason, Sue, Keith, and I headed up to Snow Canyon State Park for some hiking and caving. Snow Canyon is a pretty area creased by pocked sandstone and surrounded by white and red cliffs. The colors of this region are shadowed by piles of black lava rock that an ancient volcano strew about. These dark stone outcroppings protrude the fiery landscape conspicuously but their most interesting feature lies beneath the park’s surface.
These sharp rocks weren't exactly a comfy spot to lay your head but Jason thought they needed planking so I humored him. This was the first lava cave we came across. Although it just consisted of two elongated caverns, it was massive and fun to explore with a flashlight.
Snow Canyon’s hillsides, which are roughened by jagged igneous rock, are further scarred by holes of various sizes: lava tubes. Years ago my parents owned a condo in St. George and so Jason spent quite a bit of time with me in Snow Canyon. Every time he came across a lava cave he wanted to explore it but he somehow was always lacking a flashlight. This trip though he was determined to make up for his previous inadequacies…sort of. He remembered to grab a flashlight before we headed up to Snow Canyon but he insisting on hiking in flip-flops. (Don’t get me started!) We trekked the Butterfly Trail to the West Canyon Overlook and then detoured to find some caves. We came across three. The first was easy to access with high ceilings in two long chambers but it smelled a little too musty and peeish for us to hangout in there too long. The second cave was very narrow so only Jason journeyed a bit into its belly.
I took this looking out of the entrance to that long tunnel we explored. Those goofballs are standing on a rim that circles a sloping incline that leads down to the spacious cavern that could have easily been confused for the tube's main draw.Sue and Keith were hesitant to wiggle down into this opening but we finally coaxed them into the cave's antechamber. This pictures was taken deep within the bowels of the earth. Okay, maybe not that far down but the throat of the earth at very least.
On our third discovery we hit the jackpot. This cave was fantastic! It’s opening to the surface was not terribly large and could have been easily missed if a couple of women hanging out on a narrow ledge a few feet down had not caught our attention. Access into this hole was tricky and required some scrambling and scooting and once inside we probably would have mistaken a big cavity at the bottom of the entrance shaft for the main attraction if some hikers had not exited out of a small unremarkable gap to one side of it as we were entering the tube. That little opening led to a winding slender passage that eventually widened into a large rock-scattered room. Awesome! Upon leaving that room the tube dived over a narrow little cliff; that drop-off looked tricky to navigate so this is where we decided to head back. But the moment we exited from this tunnel back into the main shaft Jason turned around and headed back in by himself. He had decided that he could shimmy down that cliff, flip-flops and all, and was determined to see where the tube led. It turned out that it went down another cramped twisting path to a second large cavern where it ended. After traversing the entire passageway he convinced me to go back in with him to the tunnel’s terminus. I am claustrophobic and therefore not a big fan of ducking through a little crack in the earth but in the end my curiosity got the best of me. I’m glad I braved it; it was a cool cave.
After hiking and crawling around all day we saw Grease that night at Tuacahn and, unlike The Little Mermaid, we actually saw it. It was a fun show that made me want to dance and sing and wear a poodle skirt.
We may have had a few watery glitches in our fabulous weekend plan but it still turned out to be a great getaway with plenty of fam time and some surprising adventures.
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