P.C.G.s AKA perpetually collective geeks: you know the type. These are the oddballs that stash giant Tupperware containers in their basements full of worthless toys that they felt compelled to purchase because only limited quantities were available and nerdiness demanded it. The habits of these hopeless geeks are the subject of my rant today or, more specifically, the habits of this hopeless geek for I too buy nerd. Now those of you that consider yourselves among the “too cool” and are about to commence with disapproving head shaking – hold on. You need not bother shuddering in annoyance because I, like the rest of the eternally pasty, am way too dorky to care about your endorsement or purported coolness.

Yes, I am the proud owner of all sorts of sci-fi and fantasy models, dolls, and action figures. I have Enterprise replicas that I painted myself and that look it. I possess Twilight Barbies with glittery skin. Lord of the Rings speaking Sauron doll? Yeah, I’ve got one of those too. The average person might be appalled by what I’ve deemed worthy of accumulating but my zealous stashing remains undeterred.

Over the last year or two I have started amassing Lego Minifigures. These little guys are comically detailed and at around $3 apiece the price is right for stockpiling. They come in sealed wrappers identified only by the applicable series so part of the fun is trying to figure out which packages contain the guys you are missing. Sure, this means you spend a very long time in the store feeling up little men and that you end up with five soccer players when you really just needed one werewolf but those unmarked wrappers also mean you get the rush of surprise each time you cut one of them open. There’s nothing like the anticipation of tearing into a fresh Minifigures package with insides unknown. Two out of three nerds agree that it’s even better than unwrapping a mail-order bride.

I now have about 75 Minifigures and I’m ready to go out and purchase Series 7, the latest group to be released. I haven’t decided yet if I’ll go the extra hoarding mile and buy a whole box of these toys, like I did for Series 6, but I just might. Why limit yourself to a few men when you can have 60?

My little dudes may be plentiful but that doesn’t mean they’re too numerous for spoiling. I stow them away stylishly in a Lego specific container where neither dust nor gawking can diminish their mintiness. Only the best for my mini men.

Now that you have the scoop on my nerdy little habit remember to judge not lest ye be judged. Despite the wisdom of that timeless counsel I’m guessing many of you have concluded that only the geekiest of rejects would stoop to collecting toys meant for the infantile. You would be correct but I dare you to try buying a few of these chaps without getting sucked in by their miniature kilts, mullets, and skateboards. It’s impossible. You’ll find that you too are powerless against the appeal of their tiny banana peels. So don’t point a critical finger at me when the truly geekiest of rejects lurks somewhere beneath the disguise of your non-greasy skin just waiting for the right Lego man in a Godzilla suit to call it out.