Joined at the Hip

America is losing it. We’ve all heard about how we, as a country, have been losing the international popularity contest and the foreclosures struggle but, no worries, we’re not losing in all arenas. In fact, there is one thing that we have most definitely been gaining: fat. Yes, just when it was beginning to look like our world dominance might be slipping, our people have demonstrated that we can still go above and beyond expectations. Congratulations America! Other nations may think that they can compete in the battle of the bulge but we’ve again proved that America is #1 as we Americans become fatter and fatter at unprecedented rates. Yes! We the people of the United States of America can still succeed at anything we put our mouths to!

It is estimated, if trends don’t change, that by the year 2020 three out of four Americans will be obese. But so what? Why should we care? If we are all obese it’s like none of us are, right? Unfortunately, obesity is linked to a number of health conditions, things that tend to kill you. Heart disease, for instance, is the #1 cause of death in the United States and very much related to obesity and poor lifestyle choices. And, if all the alarming stats on the ever-increasing rates of heart attacks, strokes, and diabetes don’t faze you perhaps the monetary implications of our fatness will. Obesity cost those living in the U.S. $117 billion dollars in the year 2000, that’s $400 for every man, woman, and child. Health care for overweight and obese individuals costs about 37 percent more than individuals of normal weight. What does that mean? The cost of treatment for illnesses related to obesity is comparable to the financial toll of smoking-related disease at about 9 percent of all health care expenditures. Yet, someone who would never be dumb enough to pick up a cigarette may eat lunch at McDonald’s every day and watch 2-4 hours of TV every night. They might never be inclined to exercise and may do nothing to counteract the creeping weight gain cycle they find themselves in-except of course that annual new year’s diet that they will probably give up on after two weeks. They may continue to eat fatty snacks and sugary treats and skimp on the fruits and veggies. They might keep on preferring the couch to running trails, basketball courts, soccer fields, and gyms. Then, as the years go by, they might just find themselves morbidly obese and diagnosed with diabetes or possibly the victim of a heart attack.

Most Americans don’t seem to truly grasp the consequences of their daily habits. They lack the education or motivation to make healthy lifestyle alterations so they stay in their well-formed habit ruts until their arteries look like the inside of a Cheese Wiz can or their blood is sugary enough to be mistaken for corn syrup. The company I work for, however, has been doing something to provide incentives for change.

This year my company participated in the Global Corporate Challenge. What is the Global Corporate Challenge you ask? It’s a contest based off the World Health Organization’s recommendation that individuals should take at least 10,000 steps a day to reduce their risk of disease and improve their health. For the challenge you join forces with 6 of your coworkers, preferably ones that aren’t couch potatoes, and form a 7 person team. Your awesome team competes with all the other teams in your company and in other corporations around the world for the highest daily step average over the course of four months. In order to monitor exactly how many steps they take, the participants have to wear a pedometer every day, everywhere they move, for those 4 months. Sounds like kind of a pain, right? Yeah, a bit, but the results are quite revealing.

When I heard my company was joining the GCC I was all in. I’m an active girl so I thought it would be fun and that I could rock it. So I captained a team of hooligans. We called ourselves The Gait Mates (Yes, another goofy name of my invention.) and began wearing those silly pedometers around everywhere. My team didn’t do too shabby. We averaged 14,875 steps/day and finished 7th in our company out of 37 teams. We were also ranked 1,743 internationally out of 13,972 teams. Sweet! And everyone at my work, not just my team, seemed to step up to the challenge of their rivals. (Oh the puns and references!) As a business we placed 4th out of all the participating companies in the nation. Kudos to us!

This pedometer was with me so much it was practically like we were
This pedometer was with me so much it was practically like we were attached at the hip...oh yeah, we were.

How about me? Did this challenge entice me to drastically alter all my habits? Ah…no, not really. Since I am already very active and regularly involved in mountain biking, running, soccer, racquetball, rock climbing, snowboarding, and any other crazy hobby I can add to my list, I didn’t really need to alter my exercise patterns. In the midst of the challenge I was training for a half marathon and running up to 10 miles a day. That crazy distance seems like it should translate into a ridiculously high daily step average, right? Well, I discovered that that’s sadly not the case. When you’re running you take longer strides than when you’re walking, hence you get less steps per mile even though you are doing more exercise; the more you push yourself with larger strides, as you try to go ever faster, the fewer steps you acquire for all your work. Doh! This means I really got jipped off on my running steps! Oh well. I still managed to get a 14,005 daily step average over the course of the contest. That may not have been the number I was anticipating but hey, I was still way above 10,000 so it’s all good.

The challenge may not have changed my habits but it did lead to a sobering realization. Like many workers, my job requires a lot of desk time. I’m constantly at my computer writing up reports, doing research, whatever. I found that on the days I worked and didn’t go running or biking afterwards I only got about 5,000 steps. Geeze! Now you may be thinking that this was because I park my car two feet from my employer’s door and ride the elevator up to my desk. But no, that’s not the case. (And frankly, you should know better than to think I am that lazy! Shame on you!) I always park my car on the far end of the lot and take the stairs when I’m going in and out of work. Yet, my number of steps was despicably low on most of the days I didn’t conscientiously make an effort to exercise when I got home. What does this mean for all of you? If you work at a desk job and take a seat in front of the tube the second you get home from the office chances are you are taking about 10 steps everyday and probably getting plumper by the minute.

So, while I don’t necessarily recommend that you all buy a pedometer and wear it everywhere you go for months, I would suggest that you become more aware of your activity levels on a daily basis, especially if you, like me, spend way too much time in a life-sucking cubicle. Taking the stairs, walking over to a coworker’s desks instead of calling them, parking a little further away, and taking a walk on your lunch or break can help. While seemingly insignificant practices like those can make a big difference over time, the main lesson I took home from this challenge is that those little things really aren’t enough; they won’t make up for a general lack of activity. So the bottom line is that our bottoms need to find their way off of couches and onto the seats of bikes. Just twenty minutes of exercise a day can literally add years onto your life. Not such a bad investment is it?

Luckily for me I have way too much energy and therefore absolutely crave activity. This antsyness has served me well and getting lots of steps has never been a problem. I know many of you don’t share my odd energetic excesses and to you I say, especially those trapped in cubicleland, just exercise anyway. Then, just maybe, we as a nation can be known for something else besides being lazy porkers.

Devious Exploits

I love surprises and I am a master plotter. I can keep secrets and cover elaborate schemes like you wouldn’t believe. Though I rarely use this talent for evil, I do often utilize it to deploy the unexpected on my husband.

Jason is keen on all things Halloween and horror movies bring joy to his twisted heart so every October I like to supply him with a fresh selection of scary movies that are tame enough for me to watch. But just giving these films to him in a normal fashion would be rather boring and unnatural for me. After all, Rachel is my name and plotting is my game. Therefore, this year, as always, I conjured up a plan to deliver Jason’s Halloween stash to him in an unforeseen manner.

I decided to make up a basket filled with some horror flicks and movie munchies and give it to him on the very first day of October. I wanted to make sure though that he was thoroughly surprised, not just averagely surprised, by its appearance so I got up in the middle of the night and left the basket for him to find first thing in the morning directly outside our bedroom door. No alarm was needed to awaken me from my peaceful slumber in order to set out the basket; I wake up at some point most nights so I figured randomly getting up wouldn’t be a problem. I was correct. I’m glad my annoying restlessness actually came in handy for once.

The tub
The tub-o-horror came with its own instructions: "Watch it!" Get it? You watch movies and you need to watch where you are stepping when baskets unpredictably pop up in your hallway. Don't get it? Your name must not be Rachel. And yes, I even took a picture of my creation without Jason noticing.

Since Jason typically wakes up for work a bit before I do he was quite shocked, as he was stumbling to the bathroom, to find a container full or horror goodness waiting for him when I was still in bed sound asleep. Yes! Rachel plot accomplished!

The best part of this conspiracy is that I prepared and arranged that basket the night before right under Jason’s nose. I didn’t want to even hint that something was afoot by closing the door to my craft room while I was loading up his goodies, which is what I typically do to hide my deeds when I’m wrapping gifts for him or involved in some similar mischief. Yes, since I needed Jason to suspect nothing I left the door wide-open to completely dispel suspicion and listened attentively for any approaching footsteps hoping that I could quickly stuff everything in the closet if needs be. Thanks to my sneakiness Jason remained completely oblivious to my devious undertaking and while he dallied on the computer across the hall and cleaned in the kitchen I subtly got his cute basket all ready for its nocturnal drop-off. He didn’t catch me and had no idea I was even up to something. Yes! Who’s the master? Oh the cleverness of me.

Paper Faces on Parade

Masquerade!

Paper faces on parade…

Masquerade!

Hide your face, so the world will never find you.

If I just succeeded in getting that Phantom of the Opera song in your head then you are exactly the type of person that should have attended the Lords and Ladies Masquerade Ball. I am not ashamed to admit that I will now be humming that tune all day and that I love the mystery and intrigue of a masquerade. Maybe I’ve been conditioned by all those fairytales I read as a child or the chick flicks I’ve cried and giggled through as an adult or maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic but, whatever the reason, getting all dolled and costumed up to go to an extravagant ball is right down the Rachel alley.

Our group looked mui fantastico!
Our group looked muy fantastico!

Last year we attended the inaugural Lords and Ladies Ball. This event was conceived by the charity In Our Own Quiet Way as a fundraiser. We had a great time at the party even though the two of us were surrounded by total strangers but this year we were determined that we were going to go to this ball unsolitarily. So we asked around and found two couples interesting enough to be interested in attending with us: my brother Drew and his wife, and Drew’s friends Adam and Abigail.

It
It's probably best if you don't ask.
Drew and Adam played the part of snooty aristocrasts well. It se
Drew and Adam played the part of snooty aristocrats well. It seemed to come quite natural to them.

Jas and I have a very large reservoir of costumes so the decision of what to wear to the ball could have been a difficult one but Jason was very keen on sporting the pirate costumes I made about 5 Halloweens ago so, being the perfectly amiable wife that I am, I agreed. (No snickering!)

Our knight in rusty armor?
Our knight in rusty armor?

My costume didn’t exactly blend in with the rest of the ladies at the ball. Most of the girls were dressed in the puffiest girliest costumes they could find and then there was me…a pirate wench ready to make any scurvy blaggard walk the plank at the slightest provocation. But my lack of petticoats and hoopskirts did not hinder my enjoyment of this magical evening.

What fine specimens of manliness. Wait, do I see tights?
What fine specimens of manliness. Wait, do I see tights?
Searching for buried treasure or Prince Charming?
Searching for buried treasure or Prince Charming? Crawling through a hidden tunnel is fun even if you're not looking for anything but the other side.

This year, instead of holding a formal dinner, food was served at several stations with different city themes. You could wander and snack at your leisure. Each “city” provided more than just things to chomp; they each had their own entertainment and décor as well.  We visited Barcelona, Venice, and Damascus and enjoyed the ambiance of romantic accordion serenades, exotic belly dancing, and limber acrobatics. I liked this informal setup. It was nice just to relax and explore the estate with our group of friends.

Even the statues wore masks.
Even the statues wore masks.They were "required" after all.

The one hang-up of the evening was Drew’s tardiness. Drew and Simone were unfashionably late. Being the enormously nice and courteous people that we are, we refrained from eating as we wandered and waited for their arrival. We should have been selfish and started stuffing our faces the second we got there because by the time Drew arrived, much later than he estimated, the food was already dwindling and the other activities of the night were soon to begin. We did get a taste of Venice and Damascus before we were ushered onto the dance floor but, sadly, we didn’t get a chance to savor the flavor of Barcelona. Sigh. Little brothers are the worst! Just kidding-there are probably a few things in this world more problematic.

Girls rock!
Girls rock! Girls wearing frilly skirts rock awesome!
Girls on trampolines! Need I say more?
Girls on tramps! Need I say more?

Even though we didn’t get to consume as much as we desired, we did get ample opportunity to dance, promenade, and hangout in tepees. It was a lovely warm night with a drooping full moon providing the backdrop to a landscape glowing with clusters of twinkle lights. The company was good, the festivities were jovial, and the cause was worthy.

These stilted men added to the fantastical feeling of the night.
These stilted men added nicely to the fantastical feeling of the night.

I hope more of you that find the charm and anonymity of a masquerade fascinating will be inclined to join us next year. I know you are out there and I know right now you have lines from that song rumbling around in your brain along with all your storybook fantasies. So why not don a costume and spend an enchanted evening with the coolest people you know?