Post-conception Misconceptions

I feel like I am constantly surrounded by pregnant women; many of the ladies around here seem like they are in a state of perpetual pregnancy. While I have as of yet refused to join their ranks I do have a few words of wisdom to offer them, not as mother but as a food scientist.

Pregnant women seem to have a lot of misconceptions about their condition. I’m not sure if these erroneous beliefs originate from incorrect information passed down from mothers and grandmothers or if they simply blossom out of women’s desires to take advantage of their situation. But I do know that I’ve listened to far too many mothers-to-be talk about how hungry they are when they are only 5 or 6 weeks along and I’ve heard lots of ladies justify eating ridiculously unhealthy and calorie laden meals by stating that old adage “I’m not eating for one; I’m eating for two.” I’ve held my tongue loads of times when expecting women have told me that they can’t exercise because they are pregnant but I can keep my big mouth shut no longer.

Okay ladies, it’s time to get your information straight. Disregard the phony-bologna you heard from your Aunt Gertrude and forget your longing to just have one time in your life when you can eat whatever the heck you want without consequence. Despite all that wishful thinking pregnancy isn’t actually a good excuse to be a lazy piggy. Let me tell you the facts so the next time one of you pregos try to give me the rundown on why you need to consume 4,000 calories a day and do nothing but watch TV you will understand why I’m not buying it.

As a food scientist, and someone with years of experience in the dietary supplement field, I understand nutritional needs during pregnancy very well. I’ve even developed prenatal supplement formulas for companies I’ve worked for. So don’t discount what I’m telling you now simply because I haven’t experienced pregnancy myself. I’m guessing most of your OBGYN doctors are men and therefore have never been, nor will ever be, pregnant. Yet you take their advice. Why? Because reason and science do not require firsthand experience; if they did, life would be our only teacher and text books would be completely obsolete. The facts are the facts and I know the fact so let’s go through the basics of caloric needs during pregnancy and how they relate to nutrient needs and then let’s cover what is a healthy amount of exercise when you are expecting.

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I'd hate to see what the offspring of that woman would look like. Here's Jason illustrating my post with more than his usual level of idiocy. He was sad that I didn't have a moo moo for him to wear.

First a reminder: pregnancy is composed of three trimesters – if that is news to any of you we have bigger problems than you eating too many Doritos. Nutrient and caloric needs vary from trimester to trimester so I’m going to break it all down for you.

Let’s start with the first trimester. Nutrition is absolutely critical during the first trimester of pregnancy because this is when many of the baby’s organs and body parts form. The nutrient status of a mother during this period can have lifelong ramifications for her offspring. That’s why it is imperative that all women in their childbearing years supplement with folic acid and that any woman attempting to get pregnant take a daily prenatal vitamin. In a woman that is nutrient deficient by the time she realizes she is pregnant, and takes steps to correct those deficiencies, irreversible damage may have already been done to her baby. It’s not worth the risk ladies. Be responsible and make sure you are getting adequate nutrients whether you see a baby in your near future or not. After all, life is full of surprises.

Despite the extra nutrients necessary in the first trimester women need virtually NO extra calories during this time. Yes, that is correct. So if you are 5 weeks along, and just found out you were expecting, don’t come crying to me about how you’re hungry constantly because you don’t need any additional calories yet – it’s all in your head. The mind truly must be a powerful thing because countless barely pregnant women have told me their hunger woes. Yes, I am rolling my eyes just thinking about it.

Since you don’t need any extra food during the first few months of pregnancy you should only gain 2 to 4 pounds and no, that 2 does not have a 0 after it. By the beginning of the second trimester the fetus only weighs about 1 oz. Yeah, not exactly what one would call a calorie demanding mass.

In the second trimester the fetus bulks up from 1 ounce to about 2 or 3 pounds and then, during the third trimester, it does the majority of its growing and weight accumulation. Surely, since the baby is rapidly expanding women need extra calories during their second and third trimesters, right? Absolutely, but only about 300 additional calories a day are required. This may sound substantial but it’s really not. You can get 300 calories from 2 cups of low-fat milk and a slice of bread …or a microscopic potato chip crumb. Pregnant women should put on approximately 0.75-1.0 pound a week in their second and third trimesters bringing the grand total of weight gain for the entire pregnancy to about 25-35 pounds. It should be noted that while additional weight gain is generally not healthy it is better than not enough weight gain. The wellbeing of your baby should always be your top priority so skimping on your food because you are trying to watch your figure is an absolutely ridiculous thing to do during pregnancy.

Unlike energy needs, which don’t change too much during pregnancy, nutrient needs increase by quite a bit: 20-100% depending on the nutrient. This means that pregnant women need to be more conscientious about what they’re eating, not less so, in order to fulfill their nutrient requirements. Translation: consume more nutrient dense foods not more calorie dense foods. Say no to the French fries but yes to the fruits and veggies.

Also, you poor women that suffer from morning sickness when you are expecting have my condolences. Obviously, for those in the vomitous clutches of this obnoxious condition whatever can be kept down should be consumed. And of course, getting too much food is not an issue for the gagging.

Now that we have covered the fundamentals concerning pregos and calories how about exercise? If you’re pregnant exercise is bad, right? While pregnancy is not the time to start up a new exercise routine, the rule of thumb is that you can continue to do just about any exercise that you could do beforehand without difficulty. So if you were in good shape and regularly went running before you were expecting you will most likely be able to continue that regiment to some degree. There are exceptions certainly. Contact sports are out as are things like deep leg bends and weight lifting. And of course some women, due to possible complications, are told to keep their exercise to a minimum. Any exercise program should be discussed with your doctor to ensure that it will be safe given your specific circumstances. With that said, I know plenty of pregos that use pregnancy as an excuse not to exercise at all even though there is no reason for it in their particular case.

In conclusion, while some women have problems with excessive weight gain during pregnancy due to genetic or hormonal causes beyond their control this is not the case with most pregnancies. Just like everyone else, pregnant women gain too much weight because they eat too much, exercise too little, or a combination of both. As much as a mother-to-be might wish that pregnancy would somehow be a loophole to that cardinal rule, it’s just not the case. So remember ladies, when you are 5 weeks along you aren’t eating for two; you are eating for you and a pea-sized mass of replicating cells. And when you are further along you only need 300 extra calories a day but a substantial amount of added nutrients. So make sure you get highly nutritious foods and take a nice walk. The exercise and healthy eating will do both of you good. And if you recall nothing else from this post remember this: pregnant women may need extra love and support to cope with the changes they are going through but they don’t need an extra cheeseburger. Your post-pregnancy body will thank you for keeping that in mind.

The Twerd Herd

I am a nerd; I make no attempts to conceal this fact from the world. I embrace my nerdiness like one might embrace a fuzzy Tribble or a cute little Ewok.

Many of my partying compadres wore Twilight themed attire for this
Many of my partying compadres wore Twilight themed attire for this event. Some of the boys even used iron-on transfers to create their own Twilight t-shirts. Impressive.

Since nerdery comes natural to me I concocted a brilliant plan when my friend Cameron suggested that a group of us get together to watch New Moon, the latest Twilight movie. I decided to take on the task of hosting this cinematic gathering and turn it into more than just a movie viewing because, as with all of my undertakings, I was not satisfied with it being just your average bash. I didn’t want this party to consist of a few of us squished on a couple of couches squinting at a tiny LCD screen so I rented a giant movie theater room at Noah’s that was equipped with 20 plush electronically controlled recliners, a giant projection screen, and a booming sound system. Sweet!

The theater room was perfect!
The theater room was perfect!

I invited a bunch of my fellow Twilight freaks to fill these comfy seats and made sure that they were adequately sugared-up during the flick by providing lots of snacks including some buttery vampire bite cookies and a pack of tasty werewolf cupcakes. The cupcakes took me 4 hours to decorate. Yeah, they were kind of a pain, as werewolves often are, but they turned out pretty cool so I guess they were worth the Carpal Tunnel I almost developed from squeezing all that frosting.

My delicious wolf pack.
Finally, some werewolves you can sink your teeth into not just your eyes.

After the movie I tested everyone’s Twilight knowledge with a trivia contest. I had drool-worthy prizes for the winners: an Edward Barbie doll, a 1000 piece Jacob puzzle, a t-shirt professing the wearer’s love for Jacob…basics that every girl needs. But apparently what I remember from the Twilight books is not representative of what everyone else remembers. Jason has long told me that I have a “memory trap”, a reservoir of useless information floating around in my head that I can access at any given moment. I never really believed him until now. I came up with over 60 trivia questions from the Twilight books; they started out easy and increased in difficulty as they continued. I knew the answers to all but the 10 hardest questions even before I consulted the books for confirmation so I thought the Twilight fans attending my party would at least find the first 30 or so no-brainers. I was wrong. They struggled with the answers from the get go. My trivia game therefore didn’t last nearly as long as I had expected. Sorry friends, next time I will not rate question difficulty based off what I can personally recall. Apparently Jason is right and I am a bit of a memory outlier.

Oddly enough Tom was one of the trivia contest winners. What happened ladies?
Oddly enough, Tom was one of the trivia contest winners. What happened ladies? How could you let Edward run into the arms of another man so easily?

Regardless of the brevity of my trivia extravaganza I thoroughly enjoyed this get-together and the chance to wallow in nerdiness. I think I will repeat the experience next year with a Star Trek or Harry Potter themed event cause there are very few things sweeter than getting your nerd on.

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My friend Wendy and her niece were all about team Jacob.

Arches, Bluffs, and Canyons

Jason and I just got back from Moab. We had a great time, as we always do when we visit that region.

Blue skies and red rock: Moab is gorgeous!
Blue skies and red rock: Moab is gorgeous!

We took our mountain bikes down with us and tested them out on the demanding paths to Klondike Bluffs and Hidden Canyon.

The entire desert seemed to be in bloom. Surprising bunches of red, pink, yellow, and whited dotted the landscape.
The entire desert seemed to be in bloom. Surprising bunches of red, pink, yellow, and white dotted the landscape.

The Klondike Bluffs trail took us over some pretty steep slickrock, which was lined with prehistoric dinosaur tracks, to the bluffs high above Arches National Park. It was a fantastic and tiring ride.

Do you see that grin on Jason
Do you see that grin on Jason's face? That comes from speeding over delicious slickrock at a dizzying rate.

Our journey to Hidden Canyon turned out to be more eventful than anticipated. The wind was in a foul humor that day. It rampaged as we tried to climb over the slickrock, pelting sand into our faces and adding another layer of difficulty to our ascent. Not only did we have to work much harder to pedal against the wind, we also had to struggle to keep our bikes stable as the persistent gusts threatened to blow us off our precarious trail. We weren’t entirely successful in this ongoing battle. As I was traversing some tricky rock the wind literally knocked me and my bike over. That cunning wind! Jason was more than willing to give up at that point but I wasn’t about to let that obstinate breeze whip me. He was glad we had stuck with it when we reached Hidden Canyon though. We got to enjoy its spectacular fiery sandstone ebbs and precipices in complete solitude. The ride back from Hidden Canyon was a cinch. The wind that had made our outgoing trip needlessly difficult aided us on our way back. We flew over the slickrock carried by gravity and the turbulent air. A small cactus growing in the middle of the trail made for a temporary setback when I unknowingly stepped on it but after some quick needle removal we were on our way again.

Hidden Canyon was a stunning and chaotic blend of brillliant oranges and reds. We got to marvel
Hidden Canyon was a stunning and chaotic blend of brilliant oranges and reds. We got to marvel at its edge without a single being to disturb our awe.
Jason paused on our way back from Hidden Canyon to illustrate that he had conquered.
Jason paused on our way back from Hidden Canyon to illustrate that he had conquered.

We took a break from all that biking by enjoying an afternoon hiking in Arches National Park. The wind was our temperamental companion at Arches as well. It made the 90+ temps quite comfortable but we were relentlessly bombarded by airborne sand as we explored. Oh well, a little grit in the eyes and ears never hurt anyone too much.

Viewing the graceful and puzzling curves of Delicate Arch was worth facing the blasts of wind that rupped across the plateau it remarkably ascends from.
Viewing the graceful and puzzling curves of Delicate Arch was worth facing the blasts of wind that ripped across the plateau it remarkably ascends from.
Double Arch is one of my favorite spots in Arches
Double Arch is one of my favorite spots in Arches and it's as good of a place as any for Jason to act silly in front of the camera.
Balanced Rock is one of the many gravity-defying oddities at Arches. How does it do that?
Balanced Rock is one of the many gravity-defying oddities at Arches. How does it do that?
The North and South Window arches toegther form
The North and South Window arches together form "the spectacles" from their backsides. Jason whined a bit when I requested that we take the long way around so we could view them from this angle. Poor boy! How could a wife be so cruel?

It was a crazy and delightful trip! We returned home sunburned, sand burned, scraped, bruised, and exhausted. I got more banged up than Jason but he won the prize for the worst injury, a title he has held our last two visits to Moab. He managed to pull a back muscle somewhere in the middle of our hiking/biking frenzy and he has been hobbling around like a decrepit old man ever since we arrived home.